Tuesday, November 10, 2015

It's not about the culture...It's about having good moral value...simply right from wrong

We live in a society that is so quick to point the finger. I had a mother who simply taught us color does not matter. If you break it, you fix it. If you break someone else's property or damage it you make it right and replace it. If you do something wrong there will be consequences. No one can deny that our police department has been taught to be trained liars. They believe their own lies. The recent videos that have surfaced show they have been taught if they can articulate a lie it is okay. However, they stand behind a uniform that is suppose to represent and command honor, respect and loyalty.

When you see a murder on video or a grown man throwing a child across the room in her chair at school, how can you even begin to justify the behavior? I think we use terms like entitled, white privilege, and white lies to sugar coat what it really is. I am a believer in calling you what you are. I tell my children they are lying if they are lying to help them understand it is not just a tale, it is a LIE when you don't tell the truth you have lied. I tell them the TRUTH because I truly want them to be HONORABLE.

The culture can not be judged by black or white the culture can only be judged by wrong or right. We need to stop hiding behind little cliches that make us feel like it is okay to be dishonorable. We need to hold people accountable for their actions whether they are white, black, green or pink. We have to get to a place where we are honorable people.

We are dealing with a situation right now where an entity has caused us major harm. We are expecting them to do the right thing and fix our property. The problem is they are trying to minimize what they need to do to correct it. They should want to correct the harm they have done and I should not have to force them to do so. People wonder why illness and sickness come on them but we have to do right by each other. I simply leave people in the hands of God, this is not my world and I am only here but for a short time. I simply try to do the right thing. If I break it I am going to pay for it because it is the right thing to do. It may take me time to juggle all my expenses but I am going to fix it.

If we could just take our selfish ways out of the equation in America we could truly be the greatest nation ever. However, it is the lack of discipline and ability to truly be honorable that makes us suffer in the end.  I was raised to believe if you do good, good will follow you so I have tried my best to do good. I trust God to vindicate me. I trust God to vindicate all the people who have been harmed by our police departments across the nation. I only pray that our officials will ensure there are better practices in hiring the people who are suppose to serve and protect. I only pray that we will teach our children to be better than we were and to live their lives in an honorable way and then God can do the miraculous and heal our land.

2 Chronicles 7: 14 said it best 14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

2 Angels went home to be with the Lord, during Cancer Awareness, Saturday October 25, 2015

My heart has been heavy this weekend and yet I could not tap into why. I just told my husband Friday it was like Deja vu without the pain. Years ago he lost a cousin and I was in pain the night before. I told my husband someone is in excruciating pain and I don't know what to do. My pastor later told me I was being prompted to pray. Well it happened again "I told my husband it is happening again without the pain this weekend, but my husband was the one who reminded me to pray. I don't handle death well so I have tried to avoid it. I suppose I believe if I don't believe it is coming it will somehow go away.

Unfortunately, I lost someone who was really good to me as a child. Someone so close she was my (Step) Mom. My heart hurts mostly for my sister because although I tried my best not to get in the way. I know I needed to reach out more. I know my regret is normal and I know death visits all of us. My heart truly aches for my husband's clients because they too lost their baby boy to cancer as well that night.

I know in Christ we should be rejoicing because there is no more pain and they are rejoicing with our heavenly father in a much better place. Yet my heart hurts and my heart yearns to reunite these lovely angels with their earthly loved ones again. I know that doesn't make much sense but love hurts and death hurts tremendously and Momma Bev you were truly loved and will be greatly missed. You were such an Angel to all of us. Xander I know you are looking down on your parents and siblings with Love. I just ask that each and everyone of you keep all our families in prayer as we enter this journey of the ceremonies to unite our loved ones with our heavenly father.


Monday, October 26, 2015

Gratitude! No one owes me anything.....

After last week I must say it only taught me I want to teach my children the importance of gratitude. Sometimes we have to reflect, I said what did I miss with my own children to ensure they are not ungrateful? One day they will be completely raised and turned over to someone else. I thought "God.....Mom emphasized gratitude. I thought you know people would always say "everything comes so easy to you." Then, my Vice Principal played back in my head "Do you know why I always call you to these events to dine with the Governor etc?" I said "No." She responded "because you were always willing to help and you wanted to make this place better." They didn't have to make sure I had a wonderful high school experience but they did. They cleared the mine traps and made sure I could soar. I say this to share the importance of gratitude. I was always taught that nobody owes me anything. If someone is kind enough to help you or give you something no matter how raggedy or small you think it is you appreciate it. The reward is that one day when they are able to bless you with something better they just may depending on how you receive your smaller blessings. That always stuck with me.

So like yesterday I was totally wowed! I have been praying for the right relationships and God has just opened some doors that only he can open. I felt a heaviness the night before and it was like me and my husband just could not get along. I told my husband look we are in the middle of this transaction and you know the enemy gets his busiest when something good is unfolding. So we took a moment to reevaluate why we were at odds. We squashed it immediately and moved forward and surely the goodness of God was manifested. I don't know why God does what he does because in this flesh we may not even deserve it but I know it is nothing that we have done that makes him love and bless us as he does. It is all because of who He is and the plans he has for our lives. We are just absolutely grateful for our new found relationships. I pray to continue to have great news to keep you updated on what God has in store for the next generation of Artists & Writers!


Thursday, October 22, 2015

Thank you to my haters!.... It's really not about me or you!

It's so funny I had to really say thank God for people who get under my skin. I have found that my writing is fueled by my emotions. After a successful start in a new venture, I heard there were moans and groans. I had to laugh because when you have paid for everything and tried to help people get a start and they come at you with complaints you can truly blow a fuse and say words you really don't mean. I had an idea and my husband helped see it to fruition. I love children so I would do anything to give them my all.

Without saying too much "the indecisive and self centered had to criticize "well why didn't you do this and why didn't you do that?" I told my husband this is why I don't bother, I would much rather make a donation and keep it moving than waste my energy on people who have chosen to be where they are and murmur and complain. I know it's important to do it for the greater good but God also said "don't cast your pearls before swine." So for me that means don't waste your time on ungrateful, complaining folks.

However, my husband being the good man that he is said they don't matter. What matters is you fed people that were hungry and he described someone who was really down on their luck and how by saying "please let everyone eat and allow them to donate to the children if they can"  you fed someone that day. He said "God used you to bring forth his idea that would bless someone." I was really upset at this point and said "wow, we can really let our haters get us off course sometime. There was definitely a lesson in what was going on last night.

I was upset because I was like "you have been thinking about it, but did nothing but come in to church with excuses about why you did not contribute," but then you come at us for making it happen. It may not have been perfect but it was a start. A start that isn't about you or me. A start that is about the future generations having good activities, scholarships and memories of church. A chance for the youth to know God is a giving God and he's not there just to collect your tithes and offering but that He is a Giving God who wants relationships. For me it's not about money or catering to your egos. It truly is about the children and the future generations because we have had our time to do what we were to do. It's time we learn to bless our children's children and prepare for their enormous future.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

WAR ROOM An Excellent film and gentle reminder!

I must say this film absolutely brought me to tears. I was truly asking God what do we do? I was definitely at this place in my life. I needed a gentle reminder that my husband and I are not each others enemy and that we are at war not with flesh and blood. This film helped me put so many things in perspective. I am at that point in life where the children are almost grown and I have to deal with all that was shoved under the rug like my student loans and my career and academic goals.

Therefore, everything was irritating me and my husband as much as we love each other was really getting under my skin. Sometimes you have to reevaluate and decide if you are going to be bitter or better and I choose better. I am not saying things are perfect but God knows it has been much better since seeing this film. It reminded me of how I felt when I saw Fireproof but with so much more teaching about prayer and as much as I found myself in prayer over the years, I found myself truly feeling like a warrior these past few weeks.

So I must say I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing the movie War Room. It is a film I can take my entire family to see and feel good about it. There are not many films today that you can watch and know your family is going to be that much better after seeing it but this is truly the film of the year! Thank God for our church for sharing this film on a night only my husband attended because we were in need of this film.

Monday, October 5, 2015

I'm yet still holding on....holding on to my faith...I will be debt free...and start anew

"I'm yet still holding on" ... I really feel like that quote today. I have been wrestling with the student loan servicer who has apparently misled me. I have completed the process to get my loans out of default and they even congratulated me. Yet, I am now learning that when they advised me that I was paying on all my loans it was untrue. After losing thousands of dollars that were never applied to my loans through garnishments, I took the punches because I was too depressed about my mom dying to fight. I figured all things would work together for my good. I can remember struggling for a month to get to work right after Mom died only to be advised over $2,800.00 had been garnished, yes my entire paycheck because I was a federal contractor and they did not have to follow the 25% rule the rest of the world was afforded. I was a federal contractor and therefore they could take 100% of my check.

So now I have kept my end of the bargain and paid monthly to learn that the Perkins loan can not become a part of my payment agreement with my stafford loans unless I sign away my rights via a consolidation program which states I can never have loan forgiveness and or other opportunities if I choose to teach etc. The agency attempted to gain my user name and password and then proceeded to tell me aww you don't need to read that it's the same disclosures you read when you did the rehabilitation. Thank God for my Mother who instilled in us that we should read everything. Some of these loan agencies are so ruthless and devoid of truth. I am appalled that they get away with so much.

I don't know my next step outside of hiring an attorney but I will not sign my rights away to pursue the same opportunities afforded to everyone else in this nation because I chose to feed my children in lieu of paying my student loans at one point. The agencies refused to come to a reasonable agreement until 2013. Therefore, I will find a solution that will allow me to pay back this $4,500.00 and $1,950.00 dollar loan deal I made with "the Devil" obviously. I have learned my lesson about student loans and I only hope others will learn from my mistakes. I am not saying ....don't take them out if you have to but know that they can be used to keep you out of school if you don't have the resources to pay them off upon graduation. It appears the subsidized stafford loan and unsubsidized stafford loans are willing to work with you but the perkins loan is a "university loan" so they don't follow the same rules. The Perkins loan has been the beast that holds my transcript. So what do you do when you have done everything they have asked. You stand, you pray and you do whatever it takes within reason and you expect results.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Giving God the Absolute Glory!

                      Last night was an absolute answer to my prayers. I went to Wednesday Service and I must say the Minister of Music Minister Bethea truly taught the word of God and most importantly the love of God. I could not have felt more relieved, when he began to deal with the root of the problem and how the spirit of rejection is a spirit and how we should be sensitive to those who are hurting so that they can get healed. As the people began to share their stories and their pain I was wowed! I was right there with them, just as broken and flawed. This is what church is about, loving people enough to help them heal. I really felt like you get it. It is about a war with Satan and his principalities. It is not about us fighting with one another in the flesh.

                   When we get to the place where the enemy knows he is revealed that is when we can get free and truly get the work God has predestined us to do. I walked out feeling truly inspired. I must say that although in the flesh I have been fighting with Augusta State University about releasing the last of my student loans to the loan servicing agency I have been paying for the last year. Even that thorn in my side could not take my joy. I don't normally let things linger this long but I have never truly gotten over the aggravation that place caused my life. It was the worst wrong turn I think I ever took. If I could turn back the hand of time I would have remained at Seton Hall University where they wanted us to succeed as opposed to such a University that has done everything to ensure bondage. I will be breaking free from this debt. This place has given it's students a million hoops to jump through. The only University I know that does not follow the rules and allow you 6 months to repay your loan after graduating and denies forbearances. Please keep me in prayer!

                 However, back to my testimony. I am just super excited about the teaching we received on Wednesday night and the deliverance and prayer that took place in the house of God. I could not have been more overjoyed to know that the work of God is taking place. Church is not just about looking good, it is truly about being good and helping hurt people get healed!

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Pray for my strength in the Lord!

As I find myself in a place where I believe God would have me to be I am struggling again. I only ask that you pray my strength in the Lord. As usual each time I write an article my faith is challenged. I find myself in a position of questioning why it is so important to dwell on people being able to put up with the foolishness in the church. I have a standard in which I expect the church to know better and be better. As our Pastor preached I squirmed because yes I feel it is better to walk away from people who waste so much time dwelling on foolishness. Just as God was dealing with my heart a deacon got up and said "Yes we are gonna talk about you and I felt like, wow did you just contradict everything the Pastor has said this morning about being better since you know better. Everything he just said about making people feel comfortable and loved in the church. Did you hear anything he said about us being an example and a light?

Maybe I am not receptive because I grew up with people who loved on you in the church. I grew up so filled with activity we did not have time to be in everybody else's business. We just found time to love on them. We spent our weeks planning how we could enjoy this life God blessed us with by participating in pottery classes and taking ice skating trips and having pageants and field trips. Maybe I don't feel at peace with back biting and negativity "being the norm" because for me it was not normal. I was a very sheltered child and I only remember the congregation focusing on the positive. Maybe I am looking for that loving church I grew up in. I just know something about today's service just did not sit well with my soul. I felt a contradiction was taking place and I struggled to receive it peacefully. I just felt like can we move on and let the holy spirit move within us. I just ask that you continue to pray my strength in the Lord and help me overlook people and any foolishness that is not of the Father. More of you God and please less of me as I overcome this struggle by the blood of the lamb.

Friday, September 25, 2015

Beautiful week filled with God's love

                              Last week was one of illness, I was not on my prayer post. The virus hit my daughter then my husband and then me. I had to get on my knees and tell sickness it has no place in my house. I know better, we can not afford to be caught off guard. However, the following week was a week of recovery I began the week off with breakfast with my Sister in Christ in which I was blessed to fellowship and share my desires and receive some confirmation to my concerns about moving forward in the next phase of my life. I am always compelled to be certain that my moves take nothing away from my family. However, I also understand that sometimes we have to do for ourselves in order to do for our family. I appreciate the vessel of God that she was willing to be.

                            My week went on and as I entered the house of God I was struggling with my stubborn side but as I heard Minister Bethea preach I knew the word was for me. I had just been asked why I write in certain genres and I reflected and I had referred back to my first writing opportunity interview and about if we were truly more like Jesus....what could we truly do for the kingdom. I have been praying more of you God and less of me and show me me. I loved her teaching because she taught in such a way that it was not condemning but just as the Bible suggests that we should be. We should teach the younger generation in love. So as I heard Minister Bethea make reference to how she too had experienced that which she faced it took away my guard and made me open to receive her message. I have been to many churches in which there were people who were bourgeoisie and some had a right to be, while others did not. There is nothing I lose interest in more than people who feel their drug addiction or alcohol condition and ability to overcome makes them better than the man struggling with his "heart condition." I believe a sin is a sin and a struggle is a struggle and if Jesus acted like some of us....."Lord, where would we be?"

                           I say this to say the week was a blessing because I did not encounter that foolishness this week. I actually encountered people who were sincere in their love of Christ and for all of his people and for that I am eternally grateful because I have had a low toleration for haughtiness since I know we are all flawed to some degree. My struggle maybe my grief and yours maybe your addiction but the Almighty Father LOVES us unconditionally and will continue to nurture us and love us on this journey because we serve an unconditional God. So when the Prodigal shows up we should all have open arms like Jesus!  He really does not want any of us to be lost. Luke 15:11-32

Saturday, August 1, 2015

RoboCop is on the way...listen for that small still voice

The lack of human compassion is on the rise.
Yet that should be of no surprise.
Many prophecies are being fulfilled.
Murderers are hired to kill.
Trained liars it's no surprise they were taught to articulate the demise.
The demise of humans and especially black lives.

Black lives matter to those who have a human side.
We live in a world of unfair laws and the loopholes are far too wide.
Color doesn't matter they are achieving a goal.
The presence of a one world currency and robots for cops I am told.
A system set forth on the principals of control.

So if my silence concerns you don't be so abrupt.
Realize I am in a quiet place until my time is up.
There is so much work to do I am not just spinning my wheels.
I am listening to my heavenly Father because he knows the true deal.

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Humanness is what I long for

So many people are losing their human side.
In order to follow rules ....you know you must abide.
Setting all their human feelings aside.

Bam Bam! He's dead, cold lying in the streets.
Not even remotely concerned that this Humans' heart no longer beats.
The lifelessness, coldness....one can see it in your eyes, you can walk away and take your seat.

It's no surprise, you saw him as less than what your badge advised.
A citizen whom you swore to protect, yet you create a story filled with lies.
As this human lays on the cold concrete and slowly dies.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

R.I.P. Mommy....Celebrating your 69th birthday tomorrow

Sometimes I don't know whether to be happy or sad. You are with God and I am here thinking about you and missing you. I know you are in a much better place but I can't help wishing I could pick up the phone and say Happy Birthday and hear your voice once again. You were once my biggest encourager. God knows I miss you ....My Mom, my confidant, oh you were such a great friend. I love you Mommy!

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

The Death Angel doesn't win again

As I stand here torn I decided to shut everything down for some alone time with God. My greatest fear has come upon me. I've prayed and asked God to save my StepMom repeatedly because I don't want her to leave this earth and I don't want my Sister to lose her best friend. I know what that means and it terrifies me to the core of my being. I find myself crying and just asking God for mercy. I know death visits everyone at some time. I just don't want the death angel to take her away.

I know what she is going through wishing everyone would show up and do the right thing when in reality they are trying to cope in their own selfish ways. We are all battling with our selfish selves and not all making the wise decision. Part of me says I should be there every step of the way, but the other part realizes how important this time is and oh how I don't want to misstep. The enemy has a way of using times like this to bring out the worst in people. I just want you to make Cancer flee God! I just want my sisters, Nana, and my Stepmom to enjoy this life. I don't want her to go through what I did.I want my fiery Step Mom to continue to win this 8 year battle against Cancer, I just want her miracle to manifest.

I just want everything to be okay. I am torn, I don't want to doubt what I believe which is you are going to fix it God and everything is going to be alright God. Help me God and forgive me for any missteps. Help me Be the woman you need me to be, grant me wisdom in this situation and bring those who love her together to be a strong fort in this time of need in Jesus' name we need you Lord.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

God said "It's not what you did...It is what you have"

You know I keep my circle very small. I seldom allow people in my space because I don't have enough time for drama, but God has a way of forcing change sometimes. I am working on raising champions and leaving a legacy behind. However, every now and again I have been forced to change. I always resist because I like peace and prefer to only change for actual growth. I was very careful not to offend a recent person we encountered on this journey. However, this person was the type who holds on to things and so I made it my business to stay out of their way because I have seen it so many times before. The type of person who feels they always know "what someone else's motives are and must find a problem" and they think they have an A personality and that everyone else is beneath them but they smile and try to hide their own flaws. They walk around with a mask and deep down inside they're in more turmoil than you can imagine but because they have titles that they believe make them more christian and therefore more loved. It felt like high school drama all over again, thank God I didn't engage not even then.

I had to smile because I remember being like that to some degree, truly believing I am God's favorite and not realizing that we are all flawed and loved by Christ for different reasons. I remember looking down on others and saying why don't they just go to college and get a career? And then I lived long enough to understand why God loves the Jacobs, the Joseph's and those who struggle because those are the people he came to help.

I always smile at my husband because although we are both flawed he never just overlooks anyone in need. He truly does have an unconditional love towards people. He is always trying to help others, he is a carpenter like Jesus was and he believes everyone deserves a chance to be saved. SO getting back to my point, I asked God to take this cup from me and remove certain people from my life because I said this person will be a distraction. Seeking drama and attention that I don't have time to give. I was selfish in some ways. God finally said to me "it's not what you did, it is what you have that truly hurts her." Some people are hurting because they were not blessed with what you see as the little things they long for.

You see just like God reveals things to Pastors and ministers he reveals things to the "little people too". Sometimes God is not always sending them into your life to bless you as they think, Sometimes he is sending you into their lives to be a Blessing to them too. As time progressed I was listening to TD Jakes and God further confirmed that darts are being thrown and sometimes you just have to duck and stay on your mission. Sometimes you have to navigate the haters and be on your way and simply love them where they are.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

To My Young Beautiful Sisters! Our sacrifice is not in vain.......

To My young Beautiful Sisters! Please don't get discouraged. If you are sacrificing for your children it is worth the sacrifice with every generation we should be doing better. I can remember when I was a teen and I wanted to be in the kitchen and work the jobs my Mom worked she said "Baby, I do these things so you won't have to." ‪#‎twotothreejobs‬
I understood that day that I had to finish college and make her proud. She said "You get your education because that is something they can never take from you." So when I was in college with one on my hip and one in my belly, I knew I had to finish." My water broke..... I gave birth and I was back in that college seat taking my final because I knew the sacrifices my mother and the generations before me had made." I say this as a reminder to my young sisters sacrificing that it is not in vain!‪#‎getthemthebestpossibleeducation‬ ‪#‎teachthemtoowntheirown‬‪#‎wesacrificed‬
As I talk to Justice I remind him. I took a whole lot of time off to see to it that you could get a good education and get to college.Your Dad worked some places he did not want to. I took a lot of hits to my own career, it's because I expect this generation to break the back of poverty so that our children's children can be blessed. ‪#‎keeppressingyoungqueen‬‪#‎sometimeswehavetoslaveforthem‬ ‪#‎butitsnotforever‬ ‪#‎justgrateful‬‪#‎ihadamotherwhosacrificedforme‬
I know those new cars look good but it's nothing like knowing your children are on top of their game!!!!! ‪#‎helpthembethebesttheycanbe‬

Saturday, March 14, 2015

If Jesus carried on like some of us...Dear Pharisees ......"we surely would not be saved!"

I had to reflect on the goodness of God this week and just chuckle because if Jesus carried on the way some of us do nobody would get saved. Why go to church if you are catching the same hell you catch in the world?  It was such a relief in church to just enjoy a time with friends and family. It took me back to when I was a child and as I mentioned before church was some of the best times of my life because we had such an awesome youth group and pastor. We would meet at church every Wednesday and just have fun and get to know one another. We would do ceramics every Wednesday or we would go and play pool or we would be off on a retreat ice skating or at a cabin somewhere. It was not about money for sure it was just very therapeutic and a true healing.

I have never forgotten how wonderful our church was. It was what made me remember the importance of the gathering of the saints. It is what makes me want my children to know that there are truly Godly people who love people. I really hope people get it that the church is truly a hospital where people come to get better not a place that should excuse it's behavior and act like the world. We simply know better so we should do better. There is a whole group of young people just waiting to be ministered to as soon as some of us recognize the opportunities being missed and realize it really isn't about you. It really is about the generation that is coming to take your place, we need to make them stronger and better than we ever were!

Friday, March 13, 2015

Momma was always right....but I know the battle is the Lords!

I found my mothers final words rather surreal. She said "I raised you and I know your character. I know that there will be people who you really love who are going to make accusations against you. They will accuse you of the very things they have done to you. I am sometimes sorry I raised you to be so kind. I know you will not fight back like your sister. You are going to take it and be hurt." I laughed at the time and said "Momma, I don't have to fight anyone because God fights my battles." She was absolutely right and the accusations that hurt the most are from those I love the most." I find it so ironic though that manifestations are just as Mom said it would be, the very wrong that was done to me is that which I have been accused of.

I have learned to just keep my eyes on the fact that God promised me my latter will be better than my beginning and that he will prune away those who don't belong in my life. I have been pretty good about not holding on to people and although it sometimes saddens my heart to let go. I recognize everyone is not meant to stay on the journey and that they are only there for a season so from time to time I must let go. I am grateful to God for his goodness in my life.Therefore, I will continue to allow God to fight my battles because it belongs to God. I simply say as always out with the old and in with the new. I always pray like Jesus did "Lord take this cup from me unless it be thy will."

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Luke 19-24 ..."the enemy wishes to sift you like wheat"

As I was going through some things this month, I wanted to walk away from everything and everybody. I was wondering Lord why is it that the enemy can be so welcoming and yet we as Christians can stand by and watch disaster unfold? So I was allowed to enter the Lions Den. I realized when I had entered I was in the wrong place. I recognized Satan's devices, we can become comfortable and be desensitized to what we are doing because they have what we want.

I am a person of research, however, I failed to do my research. As more and more unfolded I realized this is not of God. However, my Momma taught us that you should finish whatever you start. I listened, I learned and I am always grateful for every opportunity to learn. However, I could just hear the voice of the Lord "He wants to sift you like wheat and you belong to me."

I have to apologize for co-signing on something I did not research properly. However, this is the second time I received the message that the enemy wants to sift me like wheat and therefore, I hear you God loud and clear. I know my Blessings can only come from you God!

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Girl's Day Out

       Sometimes we need to devote our time to the one's we love. I really feel that I am in that season. I spent Saturday with my daughter and I can honestly say that for the first time in a long time, I so enjoyed the time away from the world. I had been feeling a need to just spend time with my husband and also my daughter. I felt a little guilty for not including the boys but rarely do I not take them along.  I really had a wonderful girls Saturday, we went to see Annie together. Thank God for Cinemark because I don't always get a chance to see films as soon as they come out. However, I promised her I would take her to see Annie for her birthday and they were the closest listing that still had it available. It was something magical about the compassion of this film. It was amazing how something just came alive on the inside of me and just watching my daughter smile was amazing.

      I remember being a little girl and just enjoying that movie so when my Mom took me to see it. I loved being able to spend some girl time with my daughter. Somehow when there is a house full of boys you can tend to forget the need for girl time. Therefore, I thank God for opening up my eyes so that I could see this was a new season for us, a time to let go of some responsibilities and spend time with those we love. We need to take time for those who grow up so quickly. These moments are only for a day from time to time but they are worth cherishing.

"Me My Four and No More"....My Blessings come from God!

        I grew up around people in the church who wanted to celebrate those around them. I always wanted to surround my children around people like that. I recognize that people wear masks all the time and therefore, if given space you can see people for what they really are. Sometimes you can sense when people are not truly happy for you. When certain decrees come forth and suddenly they have a sullen attitude and they are always trying to create discord be aware of their hearts. I tend to withdraw from people like that and simply pray for them.

       There are certain examples that I want for my children, certain types of women I want to be a role model for my daughter. Not ones that plant seeds of doubt, I want to teach her to want to see everyone around her blessed. I want her to realize the Blessings are not for me my four and no more. That is rare to find people like that to surround your children with. However, I don't take my job as a parent lightly and I don't just want to hear you talk a good talk, I truly want to see you walk that walk.

      Remember that every gift is not given with a good heart and everyone does not truly want to see you blessed. When people start to get the notion that you can only be blessed by their presence in your life be weary. When they believe that only their prayers can be heard by God be weary. Some how they forget that God was hearing your prayers long before you met them and he will hear your prayers long after they leave your life. I truly want people to recognize that my blessings can only come from My Father for it is only God that Blessings truly flow.  We are but mere vessels but test the heart of a man.

     Always recognize that when people feel a need to tolerate you they are not necessarily the vessel for which you should receive your Blessings. Make sure that those who celebrate your life are who you surround yourself with and then and only then will the Blessings truly flow.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

I Give God the Absolute Glory!

                 I am telling you this has been a time. I grew up vowing I would not move around because as a child we moved a lot. It seemed like every school year there was almost a new school. So I really did not want that for my children. I wanted them to be stable and happy. So when we recently had to make some changes because "our mortgage holder" was getting a divorce I was crushed. It was time to make some transitions and it felt like we were getting the divorce. It was a reluctant move but one that taught me the importance of seeking a traditional mortgage loan and making a final decision.

                I was having mixed emotions and I did not know what to think. I knew God was blessing our lives and the more he Blessed the more the enemy went to work at destroying our home life. However, although it was a journey we made it by the grace of God. I was mad at my husband because he seemed to be giving everything away. I wanted to keep certain things I had acquired because it was mines but I finally let go.

               Then, as we were moving we lost some important items and I really did not know how much they meant to me until I thought they were gone forever, it was my wedding dress and pictures of our children.Oh the morning I realized they were gone. I cried like a baby, I don't think I had ever cried so much. It was the last week in January and my heart was just broken.

               However, this morning I got a phone call from my husband and the the note we left behind had been answered by this stranger. He had returned my wedding dress and my photos. He really did not know how much it meant to me. God knows I don't care about things unless I really need them. I don't buy expensive things and I will do without until it hurts as long as my children are okay. But I will tell you this, it hurt my heart to the core to lose their photos because we had lost all of their videos when we moved to Charlotte, NC because the apartment complex was a mold filled death trap. We had to throw everything away and what was savored were a few boxes that we had placed in storage. So when I thought I had lost my final memories of their youth and the wedding dress my Godmother had preserved for my daughter I was distraught and heart broken. I truly cried out to God and said "God I can not deal with another disappointment, I really need to get my stuff back." As only God would he touched the heart of this man and as only he could God used a vessel to return my stuff to me. So grateful that God hears our prayers. He is such an amazing God! To GOD BE the Absolute Glory!

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Her legacy was Being a Giver!!

             You know I woke up feeling good this morning. I thought about how people try to say things to make you think you made the wrong decision. They will say something like a compliment but in that same breath say something to make you doubt yourself or make you feel you didn't do it their way. You are not willing to stay on your job and make others rich.....stay in your place....But God! God in that same moment began to touch hearts and show me everything is in His hands. Whether I will work for man or write for God. I think I choose to write for God.

                I transferred my children because that is what I felt led to do. We had continued our commute and boy was there a price. However, when I stopped worrying about how this change would effect us God began to move. The school they went to required uniforms but the school had changed the colors to tan pants only. Well a Sister from church said I have some Navy pants for your boys. I said thank you but I thought well Lord what do I do with them, I didn't want to take something I didn't need. However, I took them because I thought wow how kind.

                Another sister had just gone shopping for the children and I was like wow. All of a sudden all these people are just giving me so many things again. It truly made me realize I am in the right church. God had already proved his love in my transition, he let me know he was working through the people of God we had encountered. I felt like God if I leave this world I can feel confident that these people have shown me their love like Momma said and my family will be okay.

                  I visited a friend who is couponing and she was getting in trouble for "hoarding" so she said take some of this stuff I keep buying.

                  As you know I just left my job a little early for my normal calculations but God isn't working on my calculations.  I went to their new school and guess what was required the navy pants that were given while they were at their old school.That would have cost me another $100.00 plus.

              Next, I am leaving church and that same woman of God said "will this size fit you?" I said yes, she said "I have something for you." I told her that is so God. I just told my husband in our move, I couldn't find several things but my jacket stood out because God used my sister to bless me with the last leather coat I had. I share this testimony to say I don't know how God is going to do what he always does but I trust him to continue to take excellent care of me.

               As a child I can remember my Mom running into an old friend and he was walking on the highway. You could see he was having a hard time.  She said take this set of keys and I will drop the car off to you later. My mother saw him in need and she gave him the car she had. I never forgot how kind my mother was, he lived on the opposite side of New Jersey. I know that her giving is still blessing in my life today.

               It was the 2nd week in January,  I had paid my bills and I paid my tithe and I was finished. I got a call from an old neighbor who said there's a letter here for you. In the envelope was let's just say over a hundred dollars. It was not the amount so much as it was simply the fact that God had touched the heart of someone I had not talked to in a minute to bless me. It is in those moments I realize that if I am obedient I will eat the good of the land.

             No job supplies my needs, it is God and God only who supplies my need. We are the vessels but just look at what God has done. So at the end of my winter God is opening up abundant blessings and I trust him to do above all I could ask or think. Until this day people ask me how I became a Court Reporter and my answer is the same the goodness of God there was nothing I could have done to be blessed with that job. The woman did not know me but she had heard of my testimony and although I had the qualifications for the job it was through hearing a testimony that my life had changed I had finally been blessed with a job I loved. It was a job in which I had to type and read. Reading and writing are what I love to do the most.

Our prayers truly availeth much and he rewards but God rewards you for your testimonies. Remember to share the goodness of God.....it just may bless someone today.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Chasing after peace in 2015....no drama Mama!

Many people have made new years resolutions and I am committed to mines. I promised I was going to stay away from toxic people and people following any thing other than God's peace. I want to be on the winning team. I will not indulge anyone who has drama and can't address it. I am finished with worrying and trying to please people. I will enjoy those I love and those who love me in return because at the end of the day they really matter. The haters, the two faced people and those who simply hate me for those who love me...it's just too much.  I apologize in advance but I simply don't have time or the energy. I have 5 children and 3 of which I am still trying to raise.

There is a real Devil out there seeking whom he may devour and I have to be on top of my game. I took my eyes off my children for a few months. I simply went back to a call center environment which took too much of my time, and made an hour commute each day and their grades went to hell. I have to be diligent and steadfast. I can not afford to be tired and worried about anybody else's drama. Anyone who knows me knows I don't want nobody else's man or whatever other crazy thoughts one may have. My Dad was an All star and it seemed every woman wanted him because he was handsome, self employed and was bringing in 6 figures. What they did not know was that he and his wife worked hard together to bring forth that fruit. So women thought they were just going to waltz in and take everything and my father and our family paid the price.

So please understand there is nothing I loathe more than a desperate side chick trying to destroy a family. When I sense them in my presence I get so disturbed it is ridiculous. Ask any of my friends, we have a code of honor and when one steps out of that place of honor it will never be the same. I was never willing to date any of my friends ex- boyfriends or even their crushes and I have a man. So just know I  don't want anyone else's man nor do I condone it. Be free from Satan's little devices of jealousy and manipulation because everything is transparent about me. You can truly read about my life on this blog and know I show my failures and truly take a hit. However, I try to keep it real because I know the end of the story, which is I win. My journey is showing all the bumps and the bruises because people always see the victory without recognizing there was a difficult journey to success. I will have the victory as long as my father is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and that is enough for me. Peace in 2015 that is what I long for!

Monday, January 26, 2015

Thank you for my time!

Sometimes we can get so caught up believing we want certain things. Yet, I find nothing more valuable than time. I so appreciate the time I have had to be with my husband and raise my family. I have learned that there is nothing more valuable than our time together. I went to see my great niece yesterday and she is so precious and as I held her I just saw how time had passed us all by. It did not seem like it was so long ago that I held my 21 year old like that.

I truly appreciate my husband being the man of God that he is. I truly appreciate the last 7 years that he blessed me and opened up my time. I can acquire house after house and car after car. However, there is nothing like the times he has just held me night after night. There is nothing like the time I have had to pour into my family and the time I have spent building lasting memories. I can't go back to those moments but oh how I cherish the times we have shared.

So when I get a text or a call from my college student, I can not help but smile. However, there is nothing like this past Christmas where they were all at home again and I could enjoy seeing the fruit of our labor. It was not about the presents it was truly about their presence in our home. I certainly did not run around getting in debt this year, I bought what they needed and nothing more, I reminded them it is Jesus' birthday not ours. May you all remember to spend time with those you love. Remember that you may see people basking in wealth and wealth is good but that is not what makes me happy. I have learned that chasing after wealth is not as important as chasing after those you love. Remember to love on your family and give them your time and your love. Thank you God for opening up my time once again.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

I want to Bless them Lord! Response: Wait!

The Lord brought it my rememberance that I was hasty not too long ago. I advised someone I wanted them to handle some printing for our business because I like to keep it in the family. I advised them I would let them know. However, after that I just couldn't seem to get to them. I would see them and feel so bad because I felt like I told them God. But God kept saying wait and I will show you things. I began to see a spirit that was not right. I share this not to get you spooked but to say that sometimes our heart has to be right.

I also realized that means I have had some things held up because my heart was not right. So my prayer daily is God create in me a pure heart and a renewed mind.  Sometimes we miss our blessing not because God does not have a desire to Bless us but because we walk around in pride or with a haughty spirit. We walk around thinking man owes us something. We truly have to ask God to forgive us and ask God to create in us a pure heart and a renewed mind. We have to remember what team we are on and know that if our behavior is not pleasing to God we will not receive. We have to keep it clean and then things will begin to flow more freely.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Why it is so important for me to be in the right church...because I know how transformational love can be

I grew up loved and I knew if my Mom had died when I was a child I was going to be okay at one point. She made it her business to surround us with love. I knew it was not about money. Money means nothing to me other than how I can be a blessing to others. The Elders of our church wanted to see to it that we knew Christ that we enjoyed our youth.

I suppose that is why I am so hard on the body of Christ. I saw selfless people who truly loved the Lord. Church was not just a business to them, it was a place where you could leave the world and know they love me just as I am but that they wanted me to be better. I want that so badly for my children. I want them to know when their parents leave this earth they will be surrounded by God's love. They will have people who will have their best interest at heart, that the Christ in them will be so powerful that our departure won't sting so much. I see that in our Pastor and that makes it a little easier to know they have a faithful servant of God leading them.

I am concerned for my oldest sons who have seen so much unhealthy things that they may go to church but they are no longer committed. I apologize to them for turning away because I take full responsibility that they saw me waver and know that I am concerned about where they will grow and learn about Christ. I bare that burden but I want nothing more than to see them serve God with their whole heart. I want nothing more than for them to be a living witness for God. I pray that one day when I have gone on to be with the Lord they will read my prayers and know that I am so sorry for where I fell short but I only wanted what was best for them.I wanted that transformational love of Christ to surround them.

Why is it so hard without her...

Life has been quite an up and down experience since my mother died. I find myself saying why is it so hard without her? She was the person that pushed me to remain stable. She never allowed me to quit. No matter what it was she believed that if you just endured to the end you would win.

As I work with major corporations on the most cost effective solution for their businesses I realize why she fought so hard to teach us that things done in halves are never done right. I listen to people who aren't smarter than a brick become successful, people who can't even speak the language running million dollar companies. It isn't that they are smarter than you they have learned the principle of endurance. They have learned to finish. They are disciplined which makes them wise.

I was looking back on our life and we were so close to major success when my mother died, we had 3 units and were moving to a new location with our furniture store but everything just seemed to go wrong. I was checking out a friend who was in a similar business and she was pulling $10,000 a month but the same with her everything seemed to just go wrong. The problem was we folded. We didn't see it through.

Even in college when people kept saying I don't know how you do it after I got married and had my sons. I had Mom's constant reminder that I had to finish. I knew no matter what was to come as Mom said "Your education is the one thing they can not take from you. I knew she always said "things done in halves are never done right." Therefore, I knew I simply had to finish. So it is with our current business it has been a journey because it is seasonal which means we have to be like the ants and prepare for winter. We have to be wise as God increases our territory but we must endure and see it through.

I see it as such a blessing though because we have winter to work on our other talents we have November through March to work on my husbands talent as an Artist and my talent as a Writer. What is most fulfilling is that we have recognized our gifts,  now it is time to simply reinforce and perfect our niche.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Born to win, I spent the first half of my life around doers!

I have spent half my life trying to help others and I don't know if that was wise anymore. I spent the first half of my life watching my mother work her life away taking care of everyone else and so I promised myself that I would not enable others and that I would not hurt another generation. I made it my business not to live check to check and get caught in the rat race because I see it as modern day slavery. However, every now and then I get weary and slip back into the day to day process.

I found myself there recently. I wanted to be strong for my family but sometimes you just have to face the facts that you are hurting more than you are helping. So once again I find myself looking for the solution that will make everyone's life better. I find myself thinking of my sister who has worked her life away just as my mother had and I just wish I could hurry this thing along and make sure she can enjoy this life God blessed her to have. I have to be an example to my daughter as well.

I don't want to spend my life check to check or borrowing and not living the true "American Dream". I found myself working for a company with a reputable name promising all these financial incentives that never materialized. I thought wow I can see how many hundreds of thousands of dollars and even million dollar accounts I have closed the sale on for your company and you can't part with the few hundred dollars you have promised your employees. I say that to say I never want to be so greedy I can't share my wealth. I never want to get so greedy I can watch employees earn huge wins for my company and refuse to compensate them for their energy.

In marriage and family it is the same if you have people working hard to bring your dream to fruition you should feel joy in compensating them. I have learned first hand the importance of rewarding my sons for their hard work and efforts before I reward anyone else but I feel totally obligated to handle any promises I make to other employees as well. I have vowed to work towards building a legacy for my children's, children because I never want to see them in lack again. I also don't want to see anyone connected to me in lack ever again.Therefore, I decree I will be finishing first this time around!

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Momma said "You came into this world alone and you will leave it alone" now fly like the Eagle God created you to Be!

Being alone was never something I struggled with. At an early age my Momma taught us that "not everybody is going to like you and that is okay." I grew up facing a lot of envy and developed a thick skin. I have to constantly ask God to create in me a pure heart and a renewed mind. I know I have things I have to deal with. However, I will not spend my days chasing after people and worrying about why they are holding a grudge or why they are mad that God said "My family will be blessed". I trust that God knows just what he is doing.

I have found that in our culture in particular we can not depend on man for support when God sends a public decree on your life ....so if it comes wonderful but if it doesn't I am just fine flying like an Eagle and quietly taking those with me who want to go. I prayed for some things that I didn't need in 2014. I was specific about working in a call center environment, because I allowed someone to whisper in my ear how we need traditional means.  I had lost faith that God was going to handle my situation in a supernatural way. He handled my situation nonetheless and he granted my request.  He still took excellent care of me but he let me know I had leaned to my own understanding and slightly messed things up. However, I am eternally grateful for revelation and for understanding. He was my Strong Tower, I ran in and he took care of my needs. If He used you as a vessel I promise you He will always repay that debt.

I am going into 2015 with a pure heart and a renewed mind and I am not willing to let anyone bring their mess into my life. I love you all and I wish you much success but I am letting go of some people and nonsense and I am moving forward in the things God promised me long ago. Please don't feel like you are the reason for my Blessing because like Pastor said Sunday the man of God said "I want nothing from you, it is God and God only that has blessed me." I am not listening to the haters spewing hatred about how God is going to hold anything up, because that's not what He promised. "He promised me my latter would be better than my beginning, he promised me that my children's children would be Blessed." I stand on that word. I trust God will do exactly what his word said. I will repent and jump over that hurdle.

I therefore, stand before you in love declaring that my publishing company will open in 2015 and I will do the work of the Lord. I stopped writing for others because certain organizations attempted to change the clause that I would have the full rights to my writing and when I began writing the promise was that my royalties would even go on to my heirs. I then began to write and it seemed like the editors were going to change what I wrote more than what I wanted because that is what editors do but when I write my intent is to write in love and for God. I know that I have allowed fear to hold me back for sometime now. I have allowed disappointment to reign.

However, in 2015 I declare and decree that nothing will hold me back from walking in what God has ordained. I was blessed with the gift of discernment and so if you see me staying out of your way it's because I see both of your faces and I am giving you time to deal with that other face. I can't cater to your desire to have everyone flock at your feet and unfortunately that is not my gift. I have never been good in kissing up to get where I have to go. God has always made a way for my light to shine, nonetheless in other ways; that is why management never appealed to me no matter how much it is offered.  I find myself not wanting to position myself to be in a position of compromising my beliefs to suit a company or an entity. I would much rather live my life being able to stand up for people and for myself. I don't always go about it in the best way but know I am a work in progress and praying daily that God will work it all out.

Be Blessed because I really do have nothing but love for even my haters and those with two faces. I am praying daily that God will help you as I am praying that he will show me...me. I wish you all much love and success in 2015. Even if I have to fly solo, I will serve God with all my heart and fly alone. I will accomplish that which God promised me from long ago.I am grateful for a truly discerning Pastor as well and everything he has said he could have only received it from God for it confirmed everything God has said in the past, that is why I know His will, will surely be done, I now have a confidence that I can carry this out with the help of the Almighty God.