Saturday, January 23, 2016

Too much emphasis on Like these days......They didn't like Jesus or Dr. King.....

I know social media wants you to believe you should be liked. Well, I remember as a child coming home from school crying saying Mom "they were saying mean things and they don't like me." My mother looked me in the eye and said "You came in this world alone and you will leave it alone. It is when they like you....... that is when you should be worried. They are going to talk about you and they will not like you." She said "They didn't like Jesus and they didn't like Martin Luther King, Jr either." I say this to remind my children and others that change is uncomfortable and people don't like you when you make a difference. In the words of my mother your life should mean something and you should make a difference for the next generation as long as God loves you that is all that matters. It's when they like you too much and stop talking about you is when you should be concerned.

Monday, January 18, 2016

My previous post was selfish and sometimes you have to be...

I hope people understand because I almost deleted my last post. I asked my husband if I should delete it because it may hurt people's feelings. He responded "no, the truth hurts." I had to truly figure out how we move forward in life with all of us feeling fulfilled. I can not expect my husband to stay in places he is unfulfilled and he does not expect me to stay in places I feel unfulfilled.

I grew up in New Jersey so the south and the north are like day and night, I have learned some good things about living in the south though. You have to create your own destiny and create your own wealth. You have to leave a legacy behind and truly be the CHANGE you want to see.

I can dwell on the statistics and cry that the school system will never provide our children with an adequate education or I can see to it that my children get what they need. Last year, we were paying $400-$600.00 a month on tutoring for my youngest son. I thought that is enough to send my child to private school or I can use that money to create a safe place for all children to get additional assistance. My children are all creative, some more academic than others.

My daughter is more like I was leaning towards academic honors but even more brilliant. She maintains a 4.0 and she works in Charlotte, I drive her 45 minutes there because I am not ready for her to deal with small town thinking to some degree. Yet, she is not my biggest concern because she will be successful no matter where she goes. However, my sons are leaning more towards the creative side with the exception of 2 of the 4. One has already paved his way to college and one has paved his way to being certified in HVAC and fiber optics and towards being self employed.

I have 2 young sons left to raise who share similar qualities. I am grateful for the time I had in Charlotte, NC where there was a tremendous amount of support through programs such as UNCC where the children were able to get additional Science and Math courses on Saturdays. I am extremely grateful to programs such as the Urban League who blessed my husband and son with training and the ability to get better paying jobs. I am forever grateful to Victory Christian Center for showing us that life can be excellent when you create your own. They have amazed the Charlotte community by creating their own schools, their own programs and always upheld excellence in all that they do. They gave my children a fun environment to learn about Christ and a Friday fun night they will always cherish.

What my purpose in life is to do is not only to help my children succeed but to make sure there are resources available to combat the idea of the starving artist to ensure our children and other children the ability to pave their own way. To help them realize their source is the Almighty God and that man should not be the captain of their fate. To truly help them mobilize and learn to take the lemons they are given and make lemonade stands. So moving forward understand my reason for being selfish is to maximize my purpose so that one day we may truly be selfless in the best possible way. It is definitely time for change.

P.S.  I also salute people like Jada Pickett for recognizing that we can love the programs such as the award shows that exist but that we must understand that we can create our own platforms to acknowledge our successes as well!!!



Wednesday, January 13, 2016

The 10 things I would tell my younger self

I had a moment today to reflect and realize so many things:

1. I realized you can't make anyone's life better unless you take care of yourself first. I have tried every role possible to make my family life better but at the end of the day. You are responsible for you. I and my husband have gone back and forth about what went wrong and what went right. I have spent my best years sharing my husband with everyone else from business to everything else.

2.We all come with baggage but my mom advised me to realize you can't fix what is broken in others. You have to realize that you will be blamed no matter what. My mother said he received you as you are and you received him as he is, the parents must take responsibility for what they did not provide. No matter what you do, you can not go back into his youth and fix what damage a broken home creates. She advised me I am not God and I can only do what I can to support my mate.

3. As a woman you will want to nurture and fix everything and if you are not careful you will make it a life long objective and one day you will wake up and realize your life has passed you by. As a wife and mother I have had 6 lives to influence. My husband and I have influenced each other and there are habits that our children take from both of us.

4. However, I would tell my younger self you are only able to provide advice. It is up to each individual to take that advice and do what they will with it. I have 2 sons that were given the exact same advice yet one chose work over college which is the same path as his father which thoroughly frustrates his father. The other has chosen college as the priority which is the same path as his mother, I only pray he will stay on course and finish his career path. I believe they are both going to be successful. However, the road for one has been harder than the other. It breaks my heart. However, I provided them with the same guidance. Yet they have chosen different paths. I will get blamed no matter what. Sometimes I feel like Momma in Tupac's song. "No matter what we blamed Momma."
I want to be an anchor for everyone but now I realize all my years I can never get back. I hope that the prophecy will hold true that one day my children will take excellent care of me. However, I have never been one to rely on others and I don't want to spend my life relying on others. I need my independence and my own successes.

5. I would tell my younger self be the fabulous lawyer or successful business woman that everyone expected you to be. I would say continue to shine and to say "boys and school just don't mix." I feel like life will get the best of you if you don't accomplish your goals in your youth.

6. Next, although you assist in running your husbands business you will never feel the fullness of life if you don't take time to accomplish your own goals. You will lose yourself and realize that it may not have been worth it. You will seek to be appreciated and not realize that what you are longing for can only come from God.

7. Trust your instincts, not everyone is in it as a friend there will be the ones who never rode the bus with you who will seek your blessings for themselves. You will see their behavior shift when they see you ready to ride the limo. There are many people who will "desire things" and it will keep you from buying the things you need for your business and it will seem like your sacrifices were in vain.

8. Recognize your gifts from God and use it for his glory. Don't spend your time dibbling and dabbling and putting your desires on hold. Travel and see the world. Don't allow jealousy to hold you back. Don't let anyone stop your interviews from taking place because you desire to make them comfortable.

9. Find your business of choice and pray that God will direct your path so that you may become the Proverbs 31 woman God designed you to be. Make sure you continue to learn from the successful Proverbs 31 women who understands "that she had a lot of help" as my pastor's wife once said.

10.Never leave yourself vulnerable to life. Follow your insides at all times and you make the decisions because only you will have to live with them.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Still battling with Fed online diary of my battle....... hope it helps someone

Student loans are ridiculous it's amazing when you stop responding to them they set up payments. Then if you pay on time for a year and it is transferred to Fed Loans they don't  know how to process your online application or maintain your payment arrangements, so they cancel my online application for my annual review. They also received my second written application on December 14, 2015 by certified mail and have not processed it.

They advised me to pay nothing until it is received verbally, then I get an email to pay until it is processed. Finally, today I get a call from them. I call back and they offered me a forbearance until March 31, 2016. Now I have been asking for a forbearance ever since I found out all of my loans were not included in the original payment request.  I don't want to give up all my rights and consolidate, I simply want a reasonable repayment plan.