As I stand here torn I decided to shut everything down for some alone time with God. My greatest fear has come upon me. I've prayed and asked God to save my StepMom repeatedly because I don't want her to leave this earth and I don't want my Sister to lose her best friend. I know what that means and it terrifies me to the core of my being. I find myself crying and just asking God for mercy. I know death visits everyone at some time. I just don't want the death angel to take her away.
I know what she is going through wishing everyone would show up and do the right thing when in reality they are trying to cope in their own selfish ways. We are all battling with our selfish selves and not all making the wise decision. Part of me says I should be there every step of the way, but the other part realizes how important this time is and oh how I don't want to misstep. The enemy has a way of using times like this to bring out the worst in people. I just want you to make Cancer flee God! I just want my sisters, Nana, and my Stepmom to enjoy this life. I don't want her to go through what I did.I want my fiery Step Mom to continue to win this 8 year battle against Cancer, I just want her miracle to manifest.
I just want everything to be okay. I am torn, I don't want to doubt what I believe which is you are going to fix it God and everything is going to be alright God. Help me God and forgive me for any missteps. Help me Be the woman you need me to be, grant me wisdom in this situation and bring those who love her together to be a strong fort in this time of need in Jesus' name we need you Lord.