Wednesday, November 27, 2013

I Miss You, My First Best Friend..... R.I.P. Mommy

You were my 1st best friend.
You taught me so many things, especially to lend.

To lend my heart, and to give each person my all.
You taught me how to always stand tall.

Despite the hardships that you endured.
It was you that always made me feel assured.

Assured that this world we live in could change.
To never believe we'd remain the same.

You taught me how to forgive, even when I didn't want to which became a plus.
Because I was the one ready and willing to fight and cuss.

You taught me kindness, because I began to develop a thick skin.
You taught me the fear of God, so I never wanted to sin.

On that fateful day when God called you home.
I finally realized what it meant to feel so alone.

God Blessed me with a new best friend long before you parted this earth.
And for that I am grateful because he Blessed me with a mate that produced tremendous seed on this earth.
He further reminds me, when I am down and out what I am truly worth.

But I realize that there is still so much work to do.
Know that I won't stop missing you.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

2014 Will Be a Different Course Indeed

In 2013 I had a lot of time of reflection. I took note of all the talent in the family and thought "What is the best way to ensure their journey is different than ours was?" How do I ensure that the children's thoughts are not stolen and their dreams are not put on hold. I owe it to them to ensure that they can carry on a legacy worth carrying on.

So I decided to interview an older woman who truly speaks her heart. She began to break things down. She said "we messed up during integration." She said "we decided to compete with white America instead of modeling after the Jewish community that decided not to compete but to create their own." She said "we are simply better off setting our pride to the side." Summarized ......It is better to find a service to supply than to remain a slave in America.

She went on to say you are wise in home schooling your children, because "who entrusts their child's education to people who have hated us since we stepped foot on this land." I took her words to heart and understood her instruction but I thought how harsh but how true. I guess that is why I tried to justify the insanity that a 95% minority school would be run by 95% white middle class women in 2013 with about 4 males on staff with all the statistics that cite the need for male role models in their lives. However, she is right, stop trying to make sense of the nonsense. Black boys are only in trouble because we have put their fate in the hands of people who have hated them from the beginning of time. For me that's so hard to process because I didn't grow up seeing the hate of the south. I grew up with loving people of every race in the north. I grew up where people were people and you knew it was the heart of a man that you needed to evaluate.

However, in 2014 I will change course and stop trying to do the same things yet expecting different results. I recently said to my husband "I'd rather have many clients than one that has been given the power to make me or break me"..... by holding on to a job that keeps me "just over broke"........ ultimately a slave. It's time to set sail on a new voyage in 2014...Be Blessed!:-)

Thursday, September 5, 2013

The Butler

The film of our lifetime! It was the most touching and heartfelt film of the year. I was so impressed at the coverage of our universal history. It was so compelling, well written and the film I want my children to remember that their parents took them to see. I have not been this touched by a film since The Color Purple. As a movie lover it has been a struggle taking our family to the movies.

However, this is a film that is so touching that you can't help but tell everyone you see or contact that this is a must see film. Totally fell in love with the film. Definitely an all star cast Gloria Gaines (Oprah Winfrey) as the mother was magnificent and Cecil Gaines (Forest Whitaker) the Butler, the Father and provider were absolutely believable characters. Although we all know parts of the film were fiction, we know somebody lived those parts as well. I loved the comedy the son Charlie (Elijah Kelley) brought to the role to break the ice. Louis Gaines (David Oyelowo)  the eldest son was magnificent bringing our history alive (about the Freedom Riders, the Black Panthers, etc.) to the youth. It touched on the rift many sons and Father's have as they transition to manhood and begin to question their Father's authority. This film is not only a teaching tool, it was so amazing that it definitely receives all five stars!

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Surrounding yourself with those who want to see you at your for the little things......

For the last few years I have made major changes by moving to a city that I believed would open doors and give my children peace and opportunity. I am happy to say my 19 year old has been blessed as a supervisor and my 16 year old has had great success in his current position. I have made every effort to surround myself with people who have my best interest at heart. I have learned that you just have to cut off things and people who do not mean you well. Sometimes you carry dead weight and pray for people but ultimately God will bring laborers across their path.

I have learned that there are some people in this world who will always want to catch you at your worst and those who will do everything to elevate you to your best. Why waist precious time surrounding yourself with people who do not mean you any good?

Therefore, my suggestion is when you find parasites in your world even through say in laws or as some say "haters" eliminate the threat and surround yourself with people who desire to bring out the best in you. For ultimately that is what friends are for.....My ultimate goal is to bring out the best in those around me because I absolutely know it starts at home. I truly believe in Karma...or as Mom always said "Do good and you do it to yourself."

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Trayvon Martins' life matters....."White women are mean, Mommy" ...that's not what I want him to believe....

As I sit here thinking about the events and how they have unfolded I can only feel heart break. As a Mom and former Court Reporter who has lived through the performances of the court systems "Great court room acting" in the south. I can only say how sorry I am to Mr. and Ms. Martin because we all bare some responsibility and no one can give them comfort but the Almighty King.

As a mother of 4 African American males and the wife of an African American male who is a former Police Officer, who wasn't willing to go with the status quo I know the hurt all too well. Though I can only pray that God will allow my children to outlive me my heart aches everyday in this country. As I think of how much I have cheated my children of by raising them in the south among a hatred that never died.

One incident in particular comes to my son was in elementary school he said  "Mommy, white women are mean." This is after having all white female Teachers who just yelled at him year after year. I finally withdrew him and began to homeschool him, because I thought about my wonderful white female Algebra Teacher who genuinely loved me. I thought about my Vice Principal who did everything she could to see to it that I had the best high school experience possible. Or even the white woman who is my sons Godmother and was also wonderful to my husband. They did not deserve this stereotype but the difference was the love in their heart, they did not grow up being contaminated by the hatred of people like the Zimmermans. You have to evaluate the heart of a man. Yet, once again I find myself having to explain why six white women would have the heart to state his life is meaningless.

I remembered when I handled the induction interview for the great Golfer William Zimmerman in 1996 and as I spoke with his wife on the golf course about becoming an attorney. She uttered "It's nice that you people think that way." I too made the mistake I hear Steve Harvey making saying "she really doesn't know any better...because all she knows is having tea etc...." Yet Mrs. Zimmerman knew exactly what she was doing "She was sowing a seed of doubt." Just as these jurors knew exactly what they were doing. They were carrying out what they have always been taught they must carry out.

Please don't make excuses for their hatred, instead use it as an opportunity to open up dialogue. Too many of us sit around pretending that the elephant is not in the room. We pretend to feel comfortable to be accepted by our counterparts. We let too much go when we see young African American men being harassed by the police or others unfairly. It is in us turning a blind eye to the little things that has allowed us to get to a point where this child was able to be murdered for carrying a bag of skittles home for his cousin and an iced tea home. In a world where my son has friends of all races, it is rare now that he encounters the hatred you find in places like Sanford, Florida. It's just a fact that these pocket cities in the south where hatred is still brewing for the blood of our sons truly exist. I felt like I had walked into the twilight zone when I realized "I had moved to Evans, Ga a place screaming about white flight." "Just know that they are no longer wearing their white hoods."

Monday, July 8, 2013

Prenuptial Agreements are not a concern for the Woman of God

There has been a lot of question around "would you be willing to sign a prenuptial." I say absolutely, if you are marrying for love and you indeed know your source which is God..... not your man..... you will have no problem with it. Knowing what I know today, I would not marry someone If I did not trust in them. If I marry someone, I know that he must have my best interest at heart. If he has your best interest at heart, he is going to see to it that he will make all moves to see to it that your dreams are a reality. As a man of God he is a provider and you will be taken care of, just as you would see to it that he is taken care of as a woman of God. Therefore, if he is in a position of power and a true man of God it is inevitable that he will see to it that you are successful too.

You are not going into the marriage to take what he has already gained, you are going into the relationship as a team and whatever you build moving forward will belong to both of you. I just don't believe that a prenuptial is a big deal. A good example of a modern day man of God is Vincent and Tamar. Vincent is doing what he does best behind the scenes and allowing his wife to shine. I think they have the perfect example of true love, manifesting with the mind of Christ. If you marry the right man of God a prenuptial should not be a concern.

Identity Theft...A message to the thief

I've lived my life living below my means.
To ensure we would always be able to meet our children's needs.

There's always someone out there lurking for the next opportunity.
Don't try to use my likeness or my identity.

We have raised 5 children without stealing anything.
Don't become a threat to my peace, or expect me to accept the chaos you bring.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Slowly dying in the South...ready for God's best

A Jersey girl born with so many dreams....losing sight of who she was meant to be.
Leaving the bright lights and the trains behind. She lived a life that many considered divine. 
She knew that her gift from God was indeed her family, but she also knew that there was indeed a fine line to living the life God intended....... you see.

So in all her sacrificing and doing what was right, she realized how much she had truly lost sight, lost sight of her vision and her dreams. 
Why can't we have it all, why must there always be a loser it seems?

All she ever wanted was to see everyone win, all she ever wanted was to continue to stay far from sin. 

All she ever loved she had so close to her heart. Yet apart of her was dying slowly, it was all tearing her apart.

Something inside her wanted so much more out of life but there was a voice always reminding her to settle for less. It was time she figured out what was truly God's best.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

My Dearest was in my saddest moments....

I didn't want to bring you sorrow or any pain.

My heart was filled with grief that's why I refrained....

I've remained away from everyone for fear my sadness would remain.

I never wanted anyone to feel what I have felt.

I never wanted anyone to be dealt the hand that I was dealt.

Losing someone you love is truly the hardest thing I ever felt.

Where are those dear friends today? I'm really not sure I know.

I left them all I separated when I hit my all time low.

I truly did not want this side of me to show.

As I pick up the pieces to my life and try to move on.

Pray for me, remember me, never forget our bond.

Remember the laughs we had, and all the fun we had.....and know that the old me is gone!

It's a new me trying to be released.

My new life filled with so much love, will show you how much I've truly increased.......

It's now time because my pain has finally ceased.

Copyright © 2013 Denise Loundes-Russell