Tuesday, March 18, 2014

I Don't Want to Be a Hypocrit..... I just want to live for God....

I recently did what some call "back slide". I stopped going to church and I had to take time and get away from religion. It started becoming uncomfortable in a bad way. My biggest concern was being able to carry out what I was hearing in the pulpit. Love was what I grew up hearing and believing but that wasn't necessarily the instruction. My Bible said if I can't love you who stands before me, then my love for God is basically in vain.

I use to say and now I hear people say you should not be listening to secular music and yet look on Facebook and their talking about Scandal and Mary Jane, two of the most damaging agents for African American women and their self esteem. I don't know that secular music is more damaging than secular tv.

The more I visited other cultures and churches it seemed they were not tied to the bondage we seem to have. They seem fine listening to anything and watching anything as long as the Holy Spirit doesn't convict them otherwise and they certainly aren't trying to figure out what the congregation is watching or listening to. I certainly don't have a desire to listen to most of the junk playing today on the radio or tv.

I've had to really step back and realize I listened to BET growing up and yet my love for God was never stronger. It doesn't mean I listen to harsh rap but every now and then I hear a song like John Legend's "All of Me" and I can't help but wonder why God would be displeased. So I have stepped back from judging my children and stopped awhile back requiring that they not listen to any secular music. I guess I will have to continue to pray about this. However, it just seems hypocritical for me to watch "Scandal" (which I don't) and all the other junk on t.v and then get on my high horse about not listening to secular music. Pray for me because it's going to take some time to get back to that holy place the right way.

Monday, March 3, 2014

No longer running away, It was My God that Kept me Sane!

When I worship you, I know it is not in vain.
People don't understand my worship, because it was born out of my pain.

Loving a wonderful, magnificent God is more meaningful than some will ever know.
My worship is the seed that I sow.

Loving my family comes natural to me.
Born out of the love of a woman who made great sacrifices for me to Be!

The God that I serve has kept me protected from so much harm.
I feel like the children when I say "He's the bomb."

He's lifted me out of my miry clay.
He re-invented someone I thought went away.

He saved me from a very dark place.
So that I could stand tall and show my face.

So when I stood at church and heard you don't know my story, you don't know my pain.
It screamed volumes to my identity and it confirmed it was only God that had kept me sane.

As I sat in church with tears rolling down my face.
It was my moment when God had answered and had once again touched me and strengthened my faith.

He reminded me he was present and he was filling this place.
He confirmed it was time for me to occupy his space.

No longer could I run away, no place left to hide; there was simply nothing left to disguise.
It was time to woman up and be who God called me to Be.
Soldier take your place is the vision I could hear and see.

Denise Loundes-Russell ©2014

We Must Go On

I once found myself in a pretty dark place.
So afraid in this life, I just wanted to cover my face.

I didn't understand how I ended up in "this lake".
I knew it wasn't the seeds I had sown, "it had to be a mistake!"

One catastrophe, followed by another and another.
This was right before and after I lost my Mother.

A sea of loneliness had set in, day after day of grieving and pain.
My God, where are you? I wondered in vain.

Or so I thought...as I couldn't collect my thoughts.
Theories circled in my head of Why or Why Not? ....and all those ought's.....

"I oughta this" and "I oughta" that ran through my head.
There was nothing I could do now.....She was already dead.

I wanted vengeance, but my heart was too weak.
I knew I had simply hit what some called "a bad streak."

A time in my life filled with pure misery.
Thank God for His Love and my husband's chivalry.

I climbed out slowly from that dark, dark place, "there was a light just a shining"....I could finally once again see.
It was time to regain my composure and dare to carry on and Be who God created me to Be.

You can't understand my journey without knowing my song.
In hearing someone else's story, we sometimes find the strength to go on!

Denise Loundes-Russell ©2014

There are Angels Watching Over Me

There have been Angels in the midst of it all.
Whenever I call on Jesus, there's an Angel close by to answer His call.
There have been Angels watching over me.
You don't know, because you didn't see what I see.
Lord knows he's had Angels watching over me.
He had a plan and He knew they'd need to Be....
Right there to hold up my arms.
Lord knows they kept me from great harm.
You don't know how grateful I am for the Angels watching over me.
If you only knew my entire story.
Lord knows you'd know there are Angels watching over me.

Denise Loundes-Russell ©2014

Soldiers for Christ

As a Woman of God, we are called as warriors and soldiers for Christ.
It's not suppose to be easy..... no....... you were bought at a price.
Our purpose is to serve.....not always to entice.
We have to instruct our sons wisely and make prayer the key.
So that they may one day rise up and be "the Man of God"... He created them to be.
It's not easy being me, my sacrifice is real...don't you see?
We can't play second fiddle or be second best.
For our Father is definitely going to put our hearts to the test.
It's not about you, and it's definitely not about me.
It's about the next generation RISING UP VICTORIOUSLY!

Denise Loundes-Russell ©2014