Tuesday, December 21, 2010

When You separate Yourself from Outside Voices You Appreciate!

As I shared, I have spent the last days of 2010 separated from outside influences and voices because I need to know I am hearing clearly from the Almighty God. I have spent this year being totally transparent. I want people to know the real me. I never want to find myself forgetting where I came from but most importantly I wanted to free myself from things that are unlike God that I have picked up along the way, on my journey.

I wanted to be free from a critical spirit most importantly. I never want anyone to feel like I did not take this journey too. Some may get there faster than others but we all doubt, we all fall short and we can all get to the destiny God had already ordained. It was in listening to the testimony of my supervisor called the fearless leader that I understood. He said "even though I am surrounded by greatness I sometimes doubt", he said "so I ask you all to pray for my unbelief." He is a leader of a huge Christian organization but he was so honest and real that his testimony was priceless.

I wanted to analyze things but recognize the good in everybody without letting the bad become a part of who I am. I wanted to always love people where they are. It was amazing, I was really upset with my husband but for a time and it took one little act of kindness for me to recall how wonderful he is. You see we are always hardest on those we love and who are closest to us. My daughter began to regurgitate something that did not agree with her. Well I do not have the stomach for it. So I said honey, Taylor is vomiting and I need to take care of her and make her tea etc but I can't stand the smell of vomit. He replied so humbly, "I got it baby, I will clean it up."

It is in those moments you realize what an honor it is to have a partner who can handle the things we often take for granted. So in closing this Christmas season remember to love more than anything and we will all get there!

Blessings .....In Christ!


Monday, December 20, 2010

God must be first and he must be the lead!

Over the years I have heard a great deal of advise. However, what I know is the best statement I ever heard was that a man who is not being led by God is being led by something. I can not afford to spend my life being led by anything other than God. So this year is the end of insanity. I must spend my life doing what I have always known to do which is Keep God First. You see no one and nothing can take the place of God being the head of my life. Many things have come in and distracted me but nothing and no one is greater than God. I have spent a few weeks simply cutting out all outside distractions and voices.

Therefore, know that this is the end of insanity and the beginning of my attention being centered on God. People have tried to take first place and I know that is not possible. I have tried to cater to everything and everyone because I truly want to see everyone win and be happy. However, I can not help anyone until I help myself.

I was also advised not long ago that I have to stop blaming myself and forgive myself before I can help anyone else. I simply was not trained for all that I have encountered and as women it is our nature to nurture and love. Mom spent her last days trying to remind me that I needed to remember who I am and why she made the sacrifices that she did. She made it clear that she sacrificed her life so that we would not have to.

Before we can love others we must first love ourselves. When a man or a woman loses sight of loving self they hinder the process of truly loving others. So as I heal, those of you who need to take this journey do so knowing that Gods man will understand your need to love yourself. A man of God will love you like Christ loved the church. He will lead you to places that only God can take him.

Recommended reading Stormie Omaritans: Power of a Praying Husband or Wife

In Christ!


Monday, December 13, 2010

In the Midst of reading How I Retired at 26! I am learning to love myself!

I have come to realize one thing. This season will be spent loving me. As the Lord often leads us into places and gives us books to read. I must say I have been blessed to read "How I Retired at 26!" by Asha Tyson .......what a victory!

This book has had me in tears while helping me deal with the emotional baggage I have held on to for far too long. May anyone out there who is hurting take time to read this awesome book that will help you heal, make you cry and help you know there is always someone out there hurting more than you. This book will teach you to stop letting life dictate who you are and are to be. Be blessed and read with me this month and remember to love yourself!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Dragon is slayed and you already Won!

I must say I had a Daniel prayer for 13 years and I was going through life just doing what I knew to do and in 2004 God answered my prayers. I was standing in church and the visiting preacher said "Women of God" and another woman began to move. He said "No, the woman of God...the one holding the baby." He said God has seen your tears and he said no more.

He called my husband and I up to the altar and he said the intimate details of our situation. He told my husband you will do what God has commanded. He then turned to me and said you will be blessed with all you desire. My desire was that my husband assume his position and take care of our family and it was not that he did not want to. He was just struggling with how to get there.

I was hurting because I did not want my family to hurt but most of all I did not want my daughter to see me in the condition of being the bread winner and running things I should not have to run. In our transition to Georgia our marriage was in danger and I had gone home to stay with mom until my husband was ready.When I left I was pregnant with our 4th child. Upon my return it was not immediate but I saw the change take place. I saw my man of God assume his position.

For the next year he did all God commanded and more, he bought my dream house 5 bedrooms as I requested, 2 story brick home (I was actually settling because the original dream was the mansion in the movie Body Guard :-) and he bought me the expedition then the excursion. He was doing the darn thing. He was making the decisions and taking care of our family, he was making up for all those years and I was elated. God had even birthed the dream of our own business and had blessed us with $10,000.00 to open the business on new ground in the end of 2004 and that no one was aware of.

A little history, he was touched by the man of God in 2001. My Pastor at my church who had really spoken to him like my father should have but he was absent so I was on my own. He assumed the role of my spiritual father and for that I will be eternally grateful. My Pastor now back in Georgia, his aunt, was in her prayer closet praying for us especially in 2002 and beyond and all was working together for our good. We were sowing into Oral Roberts Ministry and they were praying for us as well.

The only problem was I had made a mess of things by returning to a state I was warned not to go back to. I was warned not to go back to Egypt. I had heard the confirmation sermon that when we go some place we are not to go, the Devil will make it all look good and then he will attack. I was not quite sure it happened completely as such but he definitely launched and attacked. He launched an attack I was not quite ready for. I knew God was blessing so it did not make sense to me.

However, I share this testimony because there is someone going through and I now know who that is. Just know that this time is for preparation, be obedient and God will fully answer your prayer. He did it for me and I know he will do it again and again! He never changes. It may not be immediate but it will come. I only ask that you prepare and read Revelations 12:1-9 The dragon stood waiting for her to birth the baby so he could devour but know you already won! He is already slayed! Be obedient, be prepared for Ephesians 6 because with every victory we must be ready for battle....... be ready to stand!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Make sure you register to take the SAT and Act!


Scholarship Resources Available!

CMS Scholarship Guide: http://www.scholarshipplus.com/charmeck/

The College Foundation of North Carolina: http://www.cfnc.org

College Board: http://www.collegeboard.com

FastWeb: http://www.fastweb.com

Federal Student Aid: www.federalstudentaid.ed.gov

FindTuition: http://findtuition.com

Foundation for the Carolinas: www.fftc.org

Free Application for Federal Student Aid: http://www.fafsa.ed.gov

Questbridge: www.questbridge.org

Scholarships for Latino Students: www.latinocollegedollars.org

Student Financial Aid for North Carolinians:http://www.cfnc.org/static/pdf/paying/pubs/pdf/FANC.pdf

US Government Services and Information: http://www.students.gov

Check out these Summer Opportunities! Check new dates at the website!


NOTE: Many of these programs offer financial aid and scholarship opportunities. See websites for more details.

Appalachian State University—Martha Guy Summer Institute
Two week long program for students interested in learning about business and developing their professional / leadership skills—includes a trip to Washington, DC and New York City

American Community Schools British Studies Summer Program
Two-week cost-free study/travel program to England—two CMS students are selected through an essay contest

Anytown Summer Leadership Program
A five day residential leadership program that brings together a diverse group of high school students from the Charlotte region to discuss diversity issues, inclusion, discrimination, and leadership

Blyth Education
This organization is the largest provider of international community service and accredited summer programs in Canada. There are multiple programs offered in a variety of countries. www.blytheducation.com

Boston University Program in Mathematics for Young Scientists
Six week program for ambitious students to study math
Deadline to apply is May 2011.

Boston University High School Honors Program
For rising seniors—includes college level coursework or scientific research
Deadline to apply is May 2011. For financial aid consideration, students must apply by April 20th
Brown University Summer Leadership Institute
Courses designed for outstanding high school students who desire to challenge themselves intellectually,
socially, physically, and emotionally

Broyhill Leadership Conference
For rising 10th-12th graders—a five day/four night leadership and personal development conference held on
the campus of Queens University
Deadline to apply is June 2011.

Yesterday I realized My Son Has Become a Man! Don't forget us at EE Waddell HS!!

In attendance at the Save Our Black Boys (ELMP) meeting, my son on his own decided to respond to a forum that asked "What is it like to be a black male and walk in their shoes?" As I sat in the audience I realized it is his time. He started off explaining how he has grown. He said "yes there were teachers who tried to fail me." (He had a tough 9th grade experience, teachers playing rap music in Algebra class and who simply did not care) .

However, he said "I got up and started playing sports." He said "I play football, I wrestle, and now I am in a school where teachers take time to work with us and teach." He said "I know some of you may not know but we go up against schools such as Ardrey Kell High School and they are given everything. He said "they record our plays, they have (state of the art) .... equipment and are taught what and what not to do. They have a football field as big as our entire school and the school system took money and poured it into a new school William Amos Hough High and now they say there is no money and they want to take our little school.

He said "when we recently wrestled against Charlotte Catholic during our tournament the kid bit me and (the referee did not call him on it, so they were cheated again, because he did the same thing a year before and the ref pretended not to see then too)." He said "they keep taking from us." He took responsibility and said I missed my bus this morning (they left at 5 am) but I was going to go back to wrestle (Charlotte Catholic) and get him (meaning win). (However, God had another plan he had to speak.)

He was hurt but he was the voice the community needed to hear. Then there was an advocate from the Guardian ad litem program that stood up and said "yes they deserve an education just like everyone else in this country." So he was a voice that ignited a light in people yesterday, he let people know they are hurting. It is not easy but they are doing what they have to do to succeed no matter what they have been denied and even now as they try to close EE Waddell High School they will still soar like eagles and conquer! What I heard my son say was they keep taking from us and keep trying to be an obstacle but we will keep fighting back and we as a community must do the same in order to win!

Letter of Love.......... to my daughter!

Dear Taylor,

Congratulations is definitely in order. Although I had to work and I missed your first solo performance, I must say I am extremely proud of you. You have been a true beacon of light. In the midst of growing up with four brothers you often say Mom we need girl time and because I am so overwhelmed at times you seem to be put on hold.

However, you lovingly and patiently wait quietly and occupy your time by reading novels bigger than those I have even read (at leisure). I am so pleased with your desire to excel at everything you put your hand to and you have made life a little easier on your parents. Thanks for always making honor roll, getting 100% on most of your tests and for helping your brothers get ready in the morning when I am taxi Mom. Thanks for helping with the laundry, for baking your delicious cheese cakes and thanks for always filling in and still handling your business like only you can!

As I entered your school Friday morning after missing your concert I had a heavy heart but your Music teacher walked over to me with a smile and said she is a special one. It truly melted my heart. You are extremely special to me and I know you know that in your heart. I of course thought as Mom all of you are and I thanked her for the compliment.

Each and everyone of you has your own unique gift and it is always nice when someone takes a moment to recognize your talents, your hard work and your beauty which flows inside and out. Taylor thanks for being the shining star that lights my day and keeps the fire burning inside of me!



Thursday, December 2, 2010

War on Christmas...Satan you lose to Christ!

I was recently asked to write an article on the War on Christmas and I declined because I thought what a waste of people's time. However, I now realize how ridiculous Satan is. There is no true war because Satan will lose every time because he is a defeated foe. God will always WIN! It does not matter, nothing and no one will ever declare war on Christ and win. There is simply too much power in his name.

It just made me think back to the first time I realized how much Power was in the name of Jesus. I was walking my children to the school one day and a Rottweiler came charging toward us. I was a true baby in Christ at this time. However, I just stood still and told the children to be still and I said in the name of Jesus you go away and I just prayed. That dog literally tucked his tail and went the other way. I was standing there shaking in my shoes as I was holding my youngest son then a baby in my arms and telling my children and neice and nephew to be still. It was that day I understood the Power of His Name! You see in my flesh I was terrified but the power of the name of Jesus is what turned that situation around literally.

Even in the midst of every situation I call on his name and plead the blood knowing that God is and will always be in the midst of our struggles. He is truly a present help in the time of our need. So Satan you lose every time you get in the battle lines with Christ.

Yes Christians have chosen to boycott organizations that will not allow their employees to say Merry Christmas and we should exercise our right and buying power to lovingly say Merry Christmas! For he is truly the reason for this season! You simply can not take Christ out of Christmas!

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Do What Makes God Rejoice!

Man is a complicated creature. However, God really is not. It is men that make God complicated. I have thoroughly enjoyed just setting religious attitudes aside and just remembering why I fell in love with God in the first place. I had to really evaluate Gods character and say God is not this creation always criticizing and waiting to condemn. He is not saying people are bad soil and putting the very images he created down. He is a loving God that embraces and that has his arms stretched wide open. He is lovingly waiting on you his beloved. He is not preaching isolation and trying to silence you. Anything that uses these methods of control is not of love and is therefore not God.

Some times we have to realize there are other things motivating people. I had the pleasure of speaking with a friend who really put some things in perspective. She was advising me that my life had not been difficult by chance. She was summarizing that Satan is indeed used by people and realize that some people do not want to see you radiate in your true brilliance because God created you to be Powerful. Even more powerful than the powers that be currently are and that your light will shine so bright it will be amazing. She advised it is deeper than religion. She was saying some beings feel threatened about what God is going to do in your life.

You see some people are so caught up in self that they would rather see "The I told you so" manifest than too see God bask in the glory of your Victory! You see there is only God V Satan and in this battle you are on the winning team...... you and Jesus are truly the majority. Therefore, when you hear messages that make you feel like it must be some thing wrong with you, know that is not God, for he never wants you feeling condemnation. He does not honor sin but he always loves you the being he created.

God said in his word "you are the apple of his eye." He truly only wants what is best for you. Negative energy is never from God, He is a loving and awesome God. Follow your insides and know if it does not feel right it usually is not. Do what makes God rejoice, spend time with the almighty God and know that he truly loves you. Yes, the flawed and sometimes imperfect you! God was more in admiration of the people who knew they were flawed and unworthy. However, at the same time realize your oneness in Him is what makes you worthy!

Therefore, remember that according to:

2 Corinthians 9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Near Homelessness! Do nice people finish last?

Glory to God! You know I am in a very fragile place in my heart. I recently told my husband I am tired of being the "nice Christian" because nice people finish last. People think you don't know or don't have a clue what they have done or what is in their hearts. He turned to me and said "don't stop being who you are."

So as I revealed a touch of what I went through when I left my home and relocated to Charlotte, NC I had to think it through. It was my best friend that paid for my hotel stay as I was trying to get my thoughts together. It was the church who continued to take care of my hotel stay as I was going through. Then it was a stranger that rented me a place "the place that only God himself had prepared for us." He whispered it to me in scripture "I have prepared a place for you." John 14:1-2

So there are people that God used along my way through the storms. You see I like My mother had put people up when they were in need and they turned their back when they thought I needed but Thank God I knew He was my source.

When my mom was dying not a soul had the heart to take her in. They did quite the contrary they did whatever they could to make her uncomfortable and she shared before her death. So in my heart I was in shock to hear the very person she took in from domestic violence spew "she was not willing to deal with her." I thought wow this is family. It occurred to me then that family is a state of mind. It is a state of being family. It was then that I realized it's okay because Mom is my family and I will do my best to take care of her.

So as I am presented once again with the issues of family verses "family" I spew I will not be a fool, but I will hold on to my love for people and for Christ. I will do what is best for my family. Best does not always mean giving them what they want. Sometimes what is best is giving them the truth. The truth that I know the real truth behind it all.

God has reminded me that there is a time for everything. He said "David was not nice when he told Goliath he would cut off his head." He also revealed that when Joseph was mistreated he handled the situation with care. Keep me in prayer Saints as I rise above the storm armed with Gods love.

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Thursday, November 25, 2010

So Grateful and Thankful To God to be among the Land of the Living!

I woke up reflecting on so much to be grateful for! I am so grateful for my husband, my 5 beautiful healthy children. My extended family and my friends. I am even grateful for strangers along the way.

I am grateful I had a church to go to last night. I am grateful for his message on wearing the garment of Praise. I woke up feeling relieved because although Thanksgiving is usually really hard for me. This morning I reflected on the fact that Mom died pleased with me. She said "Thank you for leading a clean life, she said it shows in your children, your family and even in your child birth." She said "you took in what I tried to give."At the time I was like huh? But I now realize she was sharing so much with me to let me know she was happy with me.

She further said "Thank you that when you gave me money or anything you never sought it in return." I said "how could I when you did so much for us." She said" Well, I was not perfect." I said "you know Mom there are children who never make it home." "There are children whose Mom left them and never thought a second thought." "But you did more than enough, for all of us." "You were there." "If you did not do anything but feed us, you did enough."

That is how I feel about the Almighty God this morning. If he does nothing else for you hasn't he done enough? He woke us up and even if we just breathe his wonderful air he has done enough. If you can go for a walk with your family, he has done enough. If we have food to eat today or even if we don't your breathing, so he has done enough. If you trust him he will provide because his name is Provider.

What I have learned throughout the years is no matter where I am, I am simply Thankful to God because I may not be where I want to be but I still have the chance to get there. It will only get better and better if you continue to believe! If he did it for least of them will he not do it for you?

Enjoy this holiday season and every day knowing how blessed you truly are to be among the land of the living!


© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Great King Your Greatness Comes from Within!

Arise my King, no more slumber, nor more sleeping, no more rest!
It is time to put your skills to the test.
Joseph struggled in life too you see!
Before he had the strength to become who God created him to be.
The system was created to slow you down indeed.
But God had already planted the seed.
The seed of greatness lies within.
To see you not prosper is such a great sin.
Yes, there are those in position pulling strings ........you know.
It hurts for they did not want your seed to grow.
But you...... it is you..... who must know and then the manifestation will begin.
The greatness you already bask in!
You my King will definitely Overcome and Win!
Great King Your Greatness Comes From Within!

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Sunday, November 21, 2010

No Pharisees! I need Gods Love in My life! Agape!

The greatest lesson I have learned in my love life is Gods love is never changing. I do not need people who change like the wind. I need people who are truly made in the image of God. You see God is never changing. He doesn't love you when you do everything right and stop loving you when he knows you got something wrong. I want truly God like people surrounding my children who understand them and truly understand God. The scripture that has been on my heart is Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

The reason the compliment my son received the other day was so important to me was because he said "your son never changed" he thought it was an act because we meet wishy washy people all too often who call themselves Christian. It helped me understand why Jesus chose the disciples he chose, they were not the classic perfect people they were real! As my mother would say they had problems but they were loyal. We never knew the name of the Pharisee but we knew the name of Thomas. As bad as people say he was Jesus felt we needed to know the names of the people who were real, they were significant and he still wanted us to remember their name.

My mother always said you need the good, the bad and the indifferent. You see she was saying don't limit yourself to any group of people. For you will find Christ like people everywhere you go. Some times non Christians can be more Christ like simply because of their character, so when I say Christ like I truly mean people of character who are the same who don't change with the wind. That is the characteristics I want poured into my children.

If I understood anything during my trials it was that God was answering my prayers that he remove those around me who were not true and I am grateful that he showed me my Christ like people that I can depend on. Much love to you my circle of family and friends who are always there and remain true!

As I was listening to the trials of Tiger Woods, Tye Tribett and others I am thinking God they erred but who are we to keep them under condemnation? I totally understand Gods frustration with the Pharisee. The Pharisee is consumed with looking good and not about being real and true. So when you mistreat people or stand in judgement of others remember your character is truly on display too! I believe that is the purpose of the scripture Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged." to be a reminder to us that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God! Romans 3:23

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Friday, November 19, 2010

Outstanding Job Justice on www.tubeforchrist.com

I am loving what God is doing. My son has truly been used to keep my younger ones busy and learning and I love it! He won the Superkids $25.00 gift card to Chick Fil- A last month for playing Superbook and was blessed with a baseball cap, a DVD and the game cards as well. He even had pleasant buyers for his calendar promo for the month! Thank you so much for supporting his site!

This month he has been growing his site http://www.tubeforchrist.com/Videos.html I love the new Eagles Book Reading Club and the library linking you to the artist at Youtube. It has been great to keep my children focused on good songs that feed their spirit.

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Awards, Awards, Awards! Gods Goodness is Simply Amazing!

I must say this has been an amazing week of award ceremonies and honors. Victor was awarded Terrific Kid and had Coach Q who was mentored by Bill Cosby come to his school to present his awards. Taylor missed A honor roll by points in Social Studies but she made the honor roll and Mikey made the honor roll. My home schooled child missed honor roll by one class Spanish. He thinks I am too hard and I make him write too much but it is a skill he has a gift for and must master. He also has to realize just because I am Mom does not make me easy. I even got great news........ I can not quite share yet but know that prayer was a Daniel prayer held up but finally manifested.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my seniors amazing opportunities that have come his way. I must say I am so grateful to his mentors, coaches and his Dad for being there for him every step of the way. Last night, I attended his awards ceremony and he received his football award and such kind compliments. One coach said "wow you and your husband have done a great job, I have never met such a nice young man." He said "I thought it was an act but he never changed." He said "there are days when I come to school.... and it is nice to be greeted by a student who is always so polite." He said "I know he will be successful just based on who he has shown himself to be." That meant so much to us, it made us realize that no matter how difficult it can get the reward is so much greater.

For the past few months his mentors have sent him gifts, passes to games and have offered to take him to games even this weekend. My sister and nephew even sent them to Carowinds. It has been a true testimony of How Great God is and how much he touches the hearts of man for our children.

I am so grateful to God for even sending me such wonderful people this week who have just continued to remind me of how great God created me to be. Even a possible disaster turned into me being blessed with a new jacuzzi.

When I heard the kind and awesome compliments for each of my children, I could not help but rejoice for the breakthrough. I always knew Victor was great and his teacher simply confirmed his greatness today when she selected him as a terrific Kid for the month of November and said what a joy he has been. I am glad that God has matched him and connected him with someone who appears to be warm, kind and loving just like him.

So thank you all for keeping them in prayer and know that your prayers are being answered in such a great and mighty way! May God send tremendous blessings for each of you and your families!

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Explosive Service that has truly effected My Life!

In the last few years I have promised myself that I want to be Good not look Good. So I have gone through the motions of religion waiting for the right moment and Saturday night I finally heard what I needed to hear. I had a friend that invited me to her church because she knew I was living to the rules to the best of my ability but she knew I longed to feel God's love once again.

I went to her church and from the door to my seat, I was greeted with smiling faces and such warmth. It was very admirable to say the least. However, what blew me away was his message. He said "we are one step from losing a generation for Christ and we are one step from winning a generation that is on fire for Christ." That is what is wrong. He said we have people telling us the rules but are they showing you the love of Christ?

I was in awe because that is where my heart was. I have been asking for sometime what happens after they go to the pulpit? I wanted to know are we showing people Christ or are we just getting them acquainted with Christ and leaving them to figure out the rest.

This Pastor was so grateful for the people who showed him Christ. I could identify because my mother showed me Christ. Even though I never understood where she found the energy to take trains to feed others when she was a single mom raising children and working 2- 3 jobs. I knew she had to have a love for people that was indescribable. I knew that she had us at the nursing home almost every weekend sitting with the elderly and helping them. I knew she had us in church every time the doors opened. I knew that she had Jesus on the inside of her to love like she did.

I wanted so badly to be able to do what she did for others. Some how my light dimmed and life took control. I had lost some thing, I knew that I was no longer on fire for God like I wanted to be and this service ignited something in me I had not felt in a really long time. So when I returned to service Sunday night it was equally connected to the message being preached at my church that I had not been speaking the power of his word like I should. I had not been throwing the rock like David. I was no longer on fire so how could I be effective?

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Thomas was so loved by God and by me!

You know we have a tendency to take the scripture "speak things as though they were" too far. I believe God loved Thomas for who he was and his unbelief because if Thomas did not question things we would not have such vivid evidence of his presence.

I was recently thinking about the things I have been through and others who have suffered at the adage that we have to pretend nothing is wrong to be holy. As I went through my silent pain as a head injury patient. I went from not being able to remember my name to remembering some things to years later almost remembering everything. Yet still not recalling all the details of the accident.

However, during that period everyone kept telling me nothing is wrong and physically I was healed but mentally I was fighting for my thoughts. I was the only one who knew what I was feeling. The torment I felt was horrible, when my husband or children would say remember this and I would draw a blank and look in embarrassment because I could not recall important family memories. Then there were people I once knew speaking to me on Facebook and I had no clue who they were.

My mind was very sharp before the accident. There was hardly a word I could not spell or a fact I could not recall. However, after the accident I became more dependent on my computer but some things not even the computer could recall and it was then that I had to call on my creator and ask that he heal my mind.

When my mother died I was particularly angry because my family allowed me to take on a task I should have never been entrusted with. I was angry they were too busy with their comfort to take time to care for a woman who had cared for all of them.

I was angry because they knew I had suffered a head injury months before and my mind was in no condition to make decisions. I was like putty in my mothers hands and had reverted back to a little girl in her presence. In my final plea for help no one showed that Monday and it made me despise the term family even more. I felt like if they treated a woman who had been there for them like this, then what would they do to me. I felt like the word family meant nothing at that time in my life. We were given ten days to save Mom and I felt we had all let her down.

So as I walked away from the house my mom had practically died in and I decided to start over I was very much in a very bad place mentally. Not a good place with a family of seven to care for. It was as if in all my craziness there was still no one willing to make sound decisions and my grief had to take a back burner and I just had to deal with it. I finally understood why people become homeless and I almost caused my entire family to be homeless because I no longer had the fight in me I once had. I gave up the home, the car, the driver license and anything else that could expire did.

I was still recovering from the head injury, six months later I was dealing with my moms death. Three months later the Devil had thrown a new issue my way which was the assault on my son. Then to add insult to injury, ten months later I managed to try to blow the leaves in the yard and the cover came off of the blower and sucked my hand in. The doctors wanted to take the hanging finger tips off. I pleaded that I needed my fingers because my profession was a court reporter and so they decided I had to keep my finger tips to type and they stitched my fingers. This of course I felt was the worst two years of my life. I couldn't even fight Sears so they got away with the worst settlement in history!

However, what kept me was knowing that God had saved my life, he had healed my hands and he had saved my son from what the enemy meant for evil. God had turned it all around for my good. You see my pain did not go away because I pretended it did not exist it began to go away when I began to bring it to my father in prayer and deal with my pain. So I like Thomas wanted to know what was wrong and wanted to see the turn around in order to be a true testimony!

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Certain Gratitude!

My heart is filled with joy. As I write I often think of the people I write about. In this particular case it was my husband. I said does it bother you when I write about the things we have been through? His answer to me "was sometimes." "However, I want you to write from your heart so that it will help us and one day help others." It takes a great man to allow you to write your personal issues and just keep going. So this morning I arose with such a grateful heart that I have a husband and family that loves me enough to allow me to be free to express myself from the heart!

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Poem to My First Born Son!

"Football made you stand tall,
and I am excited you answered the call.
The call to be great, to be free!
Free to be who God wanted you to be.
Victory is a decision from a vision.
It's not our fate to be in this condition.
God built us to be Great Kings & Queens.
To be united like the greatest teams!
Let them remember your sting!
Reign Victorious Great King!

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell

Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Mothers Love is Powerful!

Having a Grandmother who rose above the difficulties of child rearing and her not having a strong provider as a mate taught me the importance of endurance. I had a rocky road in marriage myself and I had to learn to endure for the sake of my children at first. I was ready to move on until I read the awesome book, "The Elect Lady," written by: Bishop Eddie Long. I eventually developed the ability to love my husband by tearing down my walls and recognizing I will only have what I attract, expect or accept.

I realized there was a time and a place for everything. I understood that when a marriage ends, we can tear into the very souls of our children. The day I thought I had my mind made up, my son turned to me and said "Mom if you leave you will miss my birthday." I thought wow, he is truly depending on me being here for him. His birthday was the only thing he could grab hold of quickly. What he was saying is "Mom if you leave, what happens to me?" Our children did not ask to be here. What they did ask is to be is loved. They may not know how to form the words to express to you that they need you. However, they do it when they walk to you and hug you, when they ask you to tie their shoes and check their homework.

Therefore, that day I made up my mind to hang in there, if not for the sake of love, at least for the love of my children. As time heals all wounds, my heart healed and I began to love my husband more like a husband as well. As time progressed, I also realized as Momma always said "it could be worst." Going through my changes I always replied "No, Momma it could be better." She understood that I really did not have it as bad as some, not as bad as she did.

She hid her abusive situation so well, we thought the fighting stopped when my brother showed my step dad what it was to fight a man instead. However, he just learned to privately abuse her. She in turn allowed it by not letting us know. She was afraid of the consequences. Would her children end up killing this man? She loved us more than life itself and there was no way she would put us in danger.

Lord knows, I thought many days I would take a lamp to his head just for talking to her wrong. It was time for me to leave for college and I know that was God's way of saving his life and mine. She was such a giving and loving woman, I always wondered how this man could be so cruel. It wasn't until her final days that she revealed to me how much he had really hurt her.

When she had her heart attack, he told her he wished she would just die and never leave the hospital. All he wanted was to collect the life insurance at this point. She had married a man 20 years younger (the Devil, I often thought). She had finally realized this was the biggest mistake of her life. She was beautiful in her day, yet he had worried the life and beauty out of her. I had never seen her so empty and lifeless.

I knew I would never allow a man to hit me or take me through the pain I saw her endure. That was why I was always ready and willing to leave my marriage. The slightest look of pain sent me signals to leave. It was not until my mom told me how her Grandma had endured for the sake of her 6 children, though they finally moved into separate rooms. They understood the effects of divorce on children and Grandma was not about to make their mistakes hurt her legacy.

However, reading the "Elect Lady" helped me understand that I had a spiritual reason to endure as well. Eddie Long needed his Mom to be there for him and if she had not maybe his destiny would have been different. Read the book before you make any decisions. If you are not being beaten or being abused, it maybe a good idea to seek counseling and see if you can work it out. For no two people are perfect. The stats on divorce is an obvious attack from Satan and we as parents have to change the future outlook to leave the next generation a stronger legacy!

© 2010 Denise Loundes-Russell