My heart has been heavy this weekend and yet I could not tap into why. I just told my husband Friday it was like Deja vu without the pain. Years ago he lost a cousin and I was in pain the night before. I told my husband someone is in excruciating pain and I don't know what to do. My pastor later told me I was being prompted to pray. Well it happened again "I told my husband it is happening again without the pain this weekend, but my husband was the one who reminded me to pray. I don't handle death well so I have tried to avoid it. I suppose I believe if I don't believe it is coming it will somehow go away.
Unfortunately, I lost someone who was really good to me as a child. Someone so close she was my (Step) Mom. My heart hurts mostly for my sister because although I tried my best not to get in the way. I know I needed to reach out more. I know my regret is normal and I know death visits all of us. My heart truly aches for my husband's clients because they too lost their baby boy to cancer as well that night.
I know in Christ we should be rejoicing because there is no more pain and they are rejoicing with our heavenly father in a much better place. Yet my heart hurts and my heart yearns to reunite these lovely angels with their earthly loved ones again. I know that doesn't make much sense but love hurts and death hurts tremendously and Momma Bev you were truly loved and will be greatly missed. You were such an Angel to all of us. Xander I know you are looking down on your parents and siblings with Love. I just ask that each and everyone of you keep all our families in prayer as we enter this journey of the ceremonies to unite our loved ones with our heavenly father.