Monday, January 31, 2011

Follow your insides!

My daughter had her first experience with a sleep over. I got home after working a long day, feeling pretty bad physically, only to learn the birthday party she was attending was a sleep over. My first instinct was to pick her up at 8 pm. However, I knew she would be crushed since it had already been agreed upon. I found myself discontent most of the evening and thought you are just being overprotective again. My rule is not to allow them to do sleep overs unless I feel in total agreement with the parents and that is very rare that I even consider it. However, the mother of this child is very sweet and so we have bent this rule.

However, this young lady is someone my daughter has grown very close to. It breaks her heart when we say she can not visit or sleepover and so my husband has a soft spot for my daughter. Nonetheless, my first reaction was correct a house full of girls we don't know way! So my daughter now understands. It was a night doing things she is not accustomed to and therefore, she did not participate. She could not watch scary movies or play scary games and she fell asleep the earliest which made her the one who got cupcake smooshed in her face.

When my daughter arrived I said that is not the sweet girl that left here. I could sense in my spirit shame. When I asked her what had happened fearing she could not go again she said "oh nothing". However, my spirit could not accept that answer. So as we questioned her we learned she was the quiet one and therefore the one chosen to be the target. The dog was left behind as the girls walked and she was not only blamed but apparently they decided to gang up on her.

Lord knows they are blessed my child is being raised by the christian me. I immediately thought of what my son said "Mom you have been around sheep so long you are bahing when you should be roaring, I thought boy has the south changed me. My cousin recently said "whooo they don't know the real Neicy do they"? "I thought no they don't know the old wo(man)."

I thought am I cheating my daughter and the answer is yes in some ways. However, I know soon the lioness in her will arise. I know we must be kind as Christians and I tell my children this daily but there is a thin line between kindness and handling your business. Therefore, my prayer is that God will help me to teach her the difference and that he fills her with wisdom so that she may know the difference. And of course that is likely the last sleepover at someone elses home. Keep us in prayer saints!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

God has done all the great things that have happened in my life!

I was sitting here thinking of the songs my Mom used to teach me as a child. The one verse that stayed on my heart is "I don't care what the people may say, I'm gonna get on my knees and pray, I'm gonna wait, wait, wait til Jesus comes." There are people who have called me the Jesus lady, there are people saying all I want to do is eat, sleep and breathe Jesus. There are people saying why do you continue to wait on God?

All I can say is when you have been through what I have been through and have not completely lost your mind. When you have seen him spare your life repeatedly and you know you should not be here, you begin to understand it was nobody but my Jesus who kept me. You realize there is a purpose.

You see, you know that if he didn't do another thing, you would still continue to praise him. I don't want the rocks praising him for me. I still know how great God is, He has been by my side since I can remember keeping me from harm. God has not only protected my life and my family but he has always come through for me. What I want to do more than anything is to honor God at every stage of my life and thank him for his goodness and his mercy all the days of my life.

The scripture on my heart is Phillipians 3:10 (For my determined purpose is) that I may know Him ( that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly) , and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection.....

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Thanking God for his Teachers! Sitting at the feet of Gods' People!

It is amazing how God will reveal things to us in visions. For a time I failed to understand the vision. I saw myself sitting at the feet of the woman of God, not understanding I thought I was creating an idol in my mind. However, God was showing me that we have to sit at the feet of his teachers to fulfill certain visions that God will give us.

So this day I thank God for the Woman of God that he has blessed us with. We have to know how precious it is for God to give us teachers and how we must be obedient and learn by sitting at their feet as did the disciples who sat at Jesus feet!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Our children can see the Hero on the Inside of us

As I pondered the reason I share my soul. It is to make sure I share all my errors and my triumphs in a way that the next generation can understand. You see we see the glory but we usually don't know the story behind someone's success or failure. I hope that my children and others will learn from my errors and learn from my experiences what to do and not to do.

However, most importantly I want my children and family to know how much I value them and cherish every little word and all the love.

Last night, I shared that as I put my daughter to bed she turned to me and said "You are the best Mamacita ever" and my heart just melted. Those are the moments that are priceless. So I pondered on the first essay she wrote in school for me.

It read:

My Mom is my hero because she brings me food so I won't starve.
She buys us a house so we have shelter.
She works hard so she has money to give us.
She gives us new clothes, so our others won't get dingy.
She makes me feel loved.
When ever I am mad, she helps me calm down.

Taylor R.

Whenever I have any sadness I look at this beautiful picture and read the words from my daughters heart and know being Mom is the Best Job I will ever have!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Would I have done it differently?

The question has been posed....Would I have done it differently? Of course I would. I simply was not ready. Nearly every young mother wishes she had waited. Marriage for me is a one time journey. In my original plan, I knew enough to know I could not be distracted so my plan was to graduate from law school, then get married.

Therefore, my decision to prematurely engage in adult activity forced me to become an adult. You have to understand I was set in college we had everything luxurious and I was doing what I love. I have always loved learning, Mom thought I would stay in college forever and get degree after degree. I believe young ladies should wait until they are ready for marriage. Marriage is the most difficult institution I have encountered.

You truly have to be ready to make someone else happy and find a happy medium and balance for both of you. I had a strong moral desire to honor God and not continue in my sin. Therefore, marriage was the only choice I felt I had. I tried to fix what I did wrong and you can not fix one wrong decision by prematurely jumping into another.

I have no regrets about having a wonderful family. I just believe preparation is the key. I was not prepared for the most important decision of my life. So when my sons ask can they date,......I ask are you really ready? Can you handle what comes with a relationship morally, spiritually, and financially? Are you ready for the consequences and the possibilities? I am not willing to let them practice without preparation. They are being prepared to effect someone elses life and they have to be ready to make serious short term and long term decisions. Let's just say the princess is golden and her mate will truly have to be able to truly take care of her all the days of her life. Especially during her child rearing days. Let's just say her father and I believe in arranged marriages to some degree.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tidbits from Mom and a testimony

Just a tidbit from my mother and gratitude for both my mother and my Godmother. Mom would always say shop January and August for the best deals up north. I have found January and July in the south. My kitchen is red so after christmas is the perfect time to shop for housewares.

I am blessed with a Godmom who tends to say this money is for you to buy all you need for the kids and you and is not to be used for bills. :-) So when she sends it I do just that. I found great deals on bakeware for my daughter .25 cents each, they are red but nothing really showing the holiday. I buy all the clearance on school supplies which you can find at Wal Mart for 5 cents to 10 cents right now.

Last but not least I pray! I always share that when I was first graduating college and truly budgeting God would always bless me to stay within budget. I once said "Lord I want to bake my children cakes" and as I walked in the store the clerk was marking down items and sure enough it was my favorite cakes marked to .25 cents each. Needless to say so my cabinets were stacked and God never fails. So as little as cakes to meeting Special Ed my childhood dream to my dream home. He has always blessed me with the desires of my heart. Although I have had to rebuild my life I am excited that my latter is so much greater.

I know God always takes excellent care of me. This christmas was no different as I shared payments were not received for my writing but God blessed me with a small settlement to get a laptop the day after christmas. I truly needed one and it was on sale for the after christmas blowout for $199.00 brand new and it came right on time as I needed it to be small to continue writing my blog and work. I tend to say I can wait, because with 5 children there is always a want or need but their wants were met and my need was definitely met by God. My husband also bought me a new GPS for Christmas since a sense of direction has not been my strong point in life along with beautiful roses and candy.

So keep praying, keep seeking and keep receiving the blessings!

Last but not least God also blessed me with the connection I need to get e-readers to the Victor Foundation it is coming together Saints! There really is "Nobody Greater than God!"

In Christ!


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

No longer a roommate, finally a wife

In my experience as a wife. I explained it was difficult not having a "blueprint" or a Godly example of marriage. I saw my Mom work herself until she became ill. Therefore, I determined in my mind it would not happen to another generation. In the first seven years of marriage I accepted being the roommate wife. I was not willing to sacrifice "the things" I wanted or wanted to be, I did not want to be the submissive stay at home Mom. I wanted more for my children. I actually was annoyed by the thought of being at home, just cooking and cleaning or giving up my pursuit of higher education. For I believed being a wife was way more.

I saw being a wife as creating champions and the first 6 years of education my oldest and youngest son at the time were just that. They were consistently on honor roll, receiving the principals award etc. My first born was the basketball star deemed the crowds favorite. Until I came to that fateful year when my daughter was born. Life changed forever, I had to make decisions. I now had to evaluate the example I would be setting for her. I knew I felt suicidal because the one thing that had become so significant to me was marriage and I could not fix it. Everything else in life had been a success but marriage was not a fairytale it was hard work.

Why was it that despite the fact that we knew generational curses were breakable was my husband still experiencing his fathers fate? He went through job after job just as dad. However, that year I took it to God and to my Pastor. That year my husband asked my Pastor, if she were your daughter what would you require of me. How would you advise me. My husband said after our counseling he had never felt so small in all his life but he decided that no one would ever be able to make him feel that way again. You have to understand we were two children coming from abusive backgrounds. Two lives merged that had seen our mothers abused. We had the wrong blueprints. We were blessed with two things we both wanted more for our children and that year we had become willing to change.

That year I had my daughter I took all my vacation and resigned. I decided I was going to be a full time Mom. My husband became the sole provider. It was hard to say the least. That year we moved to Georgia, I told my husband this was it. I am going home until you are ready. In two weeks he was ready. He had gotten a job working for the city. Within a month he had two jobs then a third. Our fourth child was entering this world.

Well it was a two year process but God honored his willingness and blessed him with one great job and we went from poverty to luxury. I had become the wife. I was at home managing the finances and everything was being paid off. God had truly began the process of blessing the change. We had become a family. My husband became the man I had hoped and dreamed of. Everything was finally perfect I had even submitted to cooking. As Pastor had advised when the head is doing right everything will fall into place. The blessings had finally manifested.

I share this to help young women understand that you have to decide what you are willing to be the wife or the roommate. I was no longer willing to be a roommate. (A roommate pays half of everything and has no rewards as a leaves you feeling like why did I get married?) The blessing of being the wife is you are treated as the gift God intended you to be. Next, I had to work on me, I returned to Charlotte to understand what it is to be a home manager not just a stay at home mom.....but that story I will save for next time just know it was all intertwined. I realized maybe being the proverbial 31 woman was not me....maybe there was more....maybe God had another woman of honor and virtue.......

Be blessed!


Sunday, January 16, 2011

Dr. King's memory will be honored despite CMS' stand to not respect Dr. King's memory!

It does not matter what the school system chooses to do. Dr. King will be honored on Monday, it is our choice to stand by idly or have our children respect this day set aside for Dr. King. You see slavery failed, Jim Crow failed and the school systems "school to prison" is going to fail. We must take time to remember and respect the people who died for us. We must not become complacent and ignore the act to ignore the legacy.

People are acting surprised that Charlotte Mecklenburg Schools are actually ignoring a day to honor Dr. King. It is no surprise, have they honored your children by closing EE Waddell or the attempts to close the libraries or schools in our neighborhoods. This should come as no surprise but it should motivate us to spend this time working on the changes we still need for our children and their futures.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Young ladies, keep it sacred!

I truly tried hard to maintain my innocence, but I am forever grateful to God for the people who helped me keep it sacred. My first boyfriend ever was in 8th grade I was absolutely "infatuated" with "Indian". He was the first guy who loved me enough not to steal my innocence. I definitely would have probably given in because "I was young and in love." It would have been the greatest error and I am forever grateful for those who were praying for me. I know it was God that truly kept me.

However, the first thing he asked was why are you saving yourself. After we talked he left and he turned into my protector. We both knew I just was not ready and he would tell guys she's no longer my girl but she is a super star and you can not have her. He would say one day she will be on CNN and he would literally chase guys away who flirted with me and he kept me.

Later, I would stay to myself for sometime and then I dated but Mom would always laugh when I said I had a boyfriend because she would say you have no idea what a boyfriend is. She was right, "my motto was I keep my mouth going and my legs crossed" and "boys and books simply don't mix," besides I was not doing what other girls were. I was content with going to the movies in which Mom chaperoned by dropping us off and picking us up. It was very innocent and I was very blessed that the guys I dated were usually gentlemen.

What stood out most in my mind was a guy that tried really hard to get me in bed when I was visiting a friend. He was very attractive and was obviously used to getting his way. However, his comment was the badge of honor I carried in life. He told me that I would keep holding out until no one wanted me etc. I just laughed and said good. He finally ended with but really you're the girl I will be back to marry because I want my daughter to be just like you.

I share this to help young ladies realize a boy or man will take what he can get but even the worst ones still want the woman who holds on to her virtue. In the many years I have been married the men have all been the same. They have flattered me with compliments but the key is to keep yourself out of compromising positions. I have been offered careers that paid $150.00 an hour to promises of how they would see to it that I would have the world. They continued to flatter me with "a woman as bad as you can not have five kids" etc but the key is staying true to God and to yourself. (Princess, you are not for sale).

I tell my children all the time. A man or woman will always choose the one that has been preserved the most. Even today my husband always tells my daughter be like your Mom was. Therefore, keep yourself because every relationship will effect you either emotionally or physically. Be wise concerning your body for you only get one and it is okay to save yourself for that special someone who you will spend the rest of your life with.

Monday, January 10, 2011

"I am Missing You and Nobody Knows it But Me"

Recently a friend reminded me that I am one of the few of my friends that are still married. She asked that I share some ways we have gotten through 17 years of marriage. While it has been one of the most difficult experiences of my life, it has also been one of the best experiences of my life. My recent experience desiring to merge my spiritual life and my natural family life was very difficult. However, my husband and I survived.

Ironically we managed to use "secular" music videos from the past to express our frustrations because I really don't like arguing. I chose "I'm Not Your Superwoman" and he replied I don't want you to be, I just want you to be you. He then replied in song "I'm Missing You, But Nobody Knows it but Me." It was therapy for us and maybe it will help some of you.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

To love and have been loved is truly the greatest wealth ever

In my opportunity to spend time evaluating my life journey, I have been blessed to watch Eat, Love and Pray. My friends favorite actress' Julia Roberts did an awesome job. It truly helped me recognize the rich blessings I have been surrounded by, my children who truly love me and a husband that has stuck by my side through thick and thin.

I have had time to truly appreciate the love in my life that comes from my immediate family, extended family and friends. I truly thank everyone who has touched my life and I realize more than ever that rich can be evaluated in many terms but to have lived and to have been loved is truly the wealthiest that one can be.

Healing is right now, God is a right now God!

I was recently asked to share my experiences as a parent. I was hesitant, however, as I began to observe I began to realize I have truly been there and need to share. As a mother of five, there were times when God was doing some amazing things in my life. As soon as I could see the light, my children would get sick, for some reason it would hit one after the other until I heard a sermon about being tired of being sick and tired. The sermon taught on how we have the authority to stop sickness as soon as it enters. We have to get to a place of zero tolerance.

Therefore, I began to meditate on that thing. The next time a child became ill in my home, I did as instructed. I began to talk to the problem. I told sickness it could not remain, I let it know it was trespassing and that there are no vacancies. I advised it had no place in my home and it must go and that was the last time sickness struck each of my children. It attempts but it departs as soon as it enters. I trust God with their health for I know he is a healer.

I specifically call on God to remind him that his word can not come back void and according to Isaiah 53:5 by his stripes they are already healed. I remind God that we are in covenant and therefore his children must be healed. I warn Satan to leave and take his illness with him.

You see it is what is unseen that does the damage. We have to recognize that the spirit realm is where it begins, but you have the ability to cause illness to depart immediately. As Justice my son once reminded me "God didn't say we have to wait", he said "healing is right now!"

Praying for Arizona: A reminder to pray for wisdom for our leaders!

Truly praying for the families in the Arizona shooting. Praying that our leaders will be more careful and realize the power of words and symbols. It is so heart breaking to know that a 9 year old filled with such innocence and potential for greatness was taken away. My prayer is for restoration and healing for Congresswoman Gifford and all injured in this tragic situation. The price of healthcare in one of the wealthiest nations indeed. Does the dollar even compare to such a massive loss?

Saturday, January 8, 2011

God is amazing!

2010 was trying for my faith because I love people and although I respect my "secular" friends (as they choose to call themselves) and their interests. A few have had a hard time respecting mine. Yes it is all about Jesus for me. I only want to write about the good He does. I have chosen to devote my testimony to what God has done. You have a right to devote your time to what you have done and what man has done. But please don't come at me the wrong way and believe because I will forgive I will not get upset. I have moments like anyone else. Living for Christ does not mean I will accept the mess.

However, I will commend my friends who are not just calling to seek an ear to hear their problems. I have friends who actually know when I need alone time or know when I too need a listening ear. I have friends who have respected my alone time with God and for that I say thank you! God further confirmed my need to be alone when the phone just broke as it began to ring this week, please know strange things happen for a reason.

I can remember taking a second job at night as an Asst. Manager at a theatre some years ago because of the hours and it allowed my children time at my job and fun for all of us. However, there was a homeless guy and the ushers would try to calm him down and he would just disturb the people. So they would call me and I would pray and as I walked in he would just leave. The ushers were always amazed and I would just smile and say nothing. I knew God was with me when I entered and he knew he could not remain. You see Gods light can not be overshadowed by any darkness. Some people are getting uncomfortable with my silence but we all need time alone.

Thank you for allowing me time to refresh and to renew my alone time with the father. It has truly been an amazing journey. I am simply enjoying hearing the refreshing words of my father, reminding me that he loves me, that he adores little me, that he wants so much more for me. There is nothing more important to me than pleasing my father, for I always want to be the apple of his eye. There is nothing like it! Just know that the father we serve is truly amazing and it is refreshing to spend time alone with Him and only Him.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Clean House in 2011!

2011 is about balance. The world has takers and givers. Sometimes the givers get drained. It is time to do inventory. Sometimes God has to clean house in order to restore that which was stolen. There comes a time when God is ready to repay you seven times what the enemy stole but there are hinderances. We have to truly let go and let God! Therefore, recognize what is surrounding you because everybody can not go on your journey with you.

Don't be disobedient by trying to hold on to that which is already gone!

2011 is the year of the Blessing!

In Christ!