Tuesday, January 18, 2011

No longer a roommate, finally a wife

In my experience as a wife. I explained it was difficult not having a "blueprint" or a Godly example of marriage. I saw my Mom work herself until she became ill. Therefore, I determined in my mind it would not happen to another generation. In the first seven years of marriage I accepted being the roommate wife. I was not willing to sacrifice "the things" I wanted or wanted to be, I did not want to be the submissive stay at home Mom. I wanted more for my children. I actually was annoyed by the thought of being at home, just cooking and cleaning or giving up my pursuit of higher education. For I believed being a wife was way more.

I saw being a wife as creating champions and the first 6 years of education my oldest and youngest son at the time were just that. They were consistently on honor roll, receiving the principals award etc. My first born was the basketball star deemed the crowds favorite. Until I came to that fateful year when my daughter was born. Life changed forever, I had to make decisions. I now had to evaluate the example I would be setting for her. I knew I felt suicidal because the one thing that had become so significant to me was marriage and I could not fix it. Everything else in life had been a success but marriage was not a fairytale it was hard work.

Why was it that despite the fact that we knew generational curses were breakable was my husband still experiencing his fathers fate? He went through job after job just as dad. However, that year I took it to God and to my Pastor. That year my husband asked my Pastor, if she were your daughter what would you require of me. How would you advise me. My husband said after our counseling he had never felt so small in all his life but he decided that no one would ever be able to make him feel that way again. You have to understand we were two children coming from abusive backgrounds. Two lives merged that had seen our mothers abused. We had the wrong blueprints. We were blessed with two things we both wanted more for our children and that year we had become willing to change.

That year I had my daughter I took all my vacation and resigned. I decided I was going to be a full time Mom. My husband became the sole provider. It was hard to say the least. That year we moved to Georgia, I told my husband this was it. I am going home until you are ready. In two weeks he was ready. He had gotten a job working for the city. Within a month he had two jobs then a third. Our fourth child was entering this world.

Well it was a two year process but God honored his willingness and blessed him with one great job and we went from poverty to luxury. I had become the wife. I was at home managing the finances and everything was being paid off. God had truly began the process of blessing the change. We had become a family. My husband became the man I had hoped and dreamed of. Everything was finally perfect I had even submitted to cooking. As Pastor had advised when the head is doing right everything will fall into place. The blessings had finally manifested.

I share this to help young women understand that you have to decide what you are willing to be the wife or the roommate. I was no longer willing to be a roommate. (A roommate pays half of everything and has no rewards as a wife...it leaves you feeling like why did I get married?) The blessing of being the wife is you are treated as the gift God intended you to be. Next, I had to work on me, I returned to Charlotte to understand what it is to be a home manager not just a stay at home mom.....but that story I will save for next time just know it was all intertwined. I realized maybe being the proverbial 31 woman was not me....maybe there was more....maybe God had another woman of honor and virtue.......

Be blessed!


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