I had a moment today to reflect and realize so many things:
1. I realized you can't make anyone's life better unless you take care of yourself first. I have tried every role possible to make my family life better but at the end of the day. You are responsible for you. I and my husband have gone back and forth about what went wrong and what went right. I have spent my best years sharing my husband with everyone else from business to everything else.
2.We all come with baggage but my mom advised me to realize you can't fix what is broken in others. You have to realize that you will be blamed no matter what. My mother said he received you as you are and you received him as he is, the parents must take responsibility for what they did not provide. No matter what you do, you can not go back into his youth and fix what damage a broken home creates. She advised me I am not God and I can only do what I can to support my mate.
3. As a woman you will want to nurture and fix everything and if you are not careful you will make it a life long objective and one day you will wake up and realize your life has passed you by. As a wife and mother I have had 6 lives to influence. My husband and I have influenced each other and there are habits that our children take from both of us.
4. However, I would tell my younger self you are only able to provide advice. It is up to each individual to take that advice and do what they will with it. I have 2 sons that were given the exact same advice yet one chose work over college which is the same path as his father which thoroughly frustrates his father. The other has chosen college as the priority which is the same path as his mother, I only pray he will stay on course and finish his career path. I believe they are both going to be successful. However, the road for one has been harder than the other. It breaks my heart. However, I provided them with the same guidance. Yet they have chosen different paths. I will get blamed no matter what. Sometimes I feel like Momma in Tupac's song. "No matter what we blamed Momma."
I want to be an anchor for everyone but now I realize all my years I can never get back. I hope that the prophecy will hold true that one day my children will take excellent care of me. However, I have never been one to rely on others and I don't want to spend my life relying on others. I need my independence and my own successes.
5. I would tell my younger self be the fabulous lawyer or successful business woman that everyone expected you to be. I would say continue to shine and to say "boys and school just don't mix." I feel like life will get the best of you if you don't accomplish your goals in your youth.
6. Next, although you assist in running your husbands business you will never feel the fullness of life if you don't take time to accomplish your own goals. You will lose yourself and realize that it may not have been worth it. You will seek to be appreciated and not realize that what you are longing for can only come from God.
7. Trust your instincts, not everyone is in it as a friend there will be the ones who never rode the bus with you who will seek your blessings for themselves. You will see their behavior shift when they see you ready to ride the limo. There are many people who will "desire things" and it will keep you from buying the things you need for your business and it will seem like your sacrifices were in vain.
8. Recognize your gifts from God and use it for his glory. Don't spend your time dibbling and dabbling and putting your desires on hold. Travel and see the world. Don't allow jealousy to hold you back. Don't let anyone stop your interviews from taking place because you desire to make them comfortable.
9. Find your business of choice and pray that God will direct your path so that you may become the Proverbs 31 woman God designed you to be. Make sure you continue to learn from the successful Proverbs 31 women who understands "that she had a lot of help" as my pastor's wife once said.
10.Never leave yourself vulnerable to life. Follow your insides at all times and you make the decisions because only you will have to live with them.
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