Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Be an expert first and mind your business...so you can have some business of your own...

You know I woke up feeling good this morning. I thought although I said "I will not be writing any personal blogs I just have to grant this request. I felt led to share on something important I have previously written on. I am asked time and time again how our marriage has lasted 19 years. It is because we were best friends first. When people approach us we walk over to each other and we chuckle and say "See what you saved me from." I laugh because I think man you wouldn't last 1 year if you couldn't handle the last female you had.

People always want what they can not have. Or like the previous scandal I wrote on where a friend tried to approach my husband, he was very real he said "if you can't maintain your own marriage, what makes you think I am going to leave my wife of 19 years....he chuckled.... then said they better know "I am not going anywhere?" or he will say "do you know how many guys I had to beat out to win her heart?" People need to understand you may think you can fill someone's shoes but chances are you can't. We truly love each other despite our trials and tribulations. So when negative forces approach to offer advice our first question is did your marriage last? That is the first question that comes to mind and if it did, are you happy? Ultimately our goal is to be both.

Before you give advice please be wise. My mother always laughed when my in-laws gave advice because she would say. "That is dangerous", she would further say "they can't give him what you can so they better mind their business," If there was one area she left alone it was a man and his woman. She would advise us that "they will be smiling with you and you could truly mean them well but once they make up you will be the outsider." So I live by my mothers advice and I leave other people's relationships alone unless there is true danger where a friend is being physically placed in danger. My advice is to keep negative influences out of your life and focus, achieve and set goals.

For example, when I returned a neighbor advised there are too many people in your house for you to be cleaning your car. I just smiled because I know we are a team, I know that my husband just drove many hours to bring us home safely, he cleaned out the major suitcases and brought in everyone's bags last night and my boys helped more than enough. So this morning I felt compelled to do my thing on my own. Now I don't fault her, she only sees half the picture..... she didn't see what they accomplished in the midnight hour. She only saw me doing what I was doing at that moment.

 My husband often chuckles because although people see me as an at home Mom and they have to add their two cents about how I should be doing more. People who really know me, know I am always making money via sales, my contracts, my writing and my seasonal positions that afford me important time off during the school year when I am home schooling my children. People tend to see a snipit and think they know. So my husband chuckles and says if they only knew how you tend to hold down 2 jobs when they think you have none.

However, I make it pretty clear that while I do appreciate advice, I was always taught to look at the full picture. My pastor's wife once said "stop looking in other people's back yard. If you have a pinto take care of your pinto and stop worrying about the lady with the Mercedes because you don't know what she has to do to maintain that Mercedes. She speaks from wisdom because she has counseled many. She knows that women with the Mercedes in relationships may have to pay for their hotel for them to be together because he maybe still living at home with his Momma or that they maybe living together and she maybe carrying all the weight and all the bruises.  Yet your pinto takes care and gets you to your destination and blesses you with a lovely meal. I think that sums up my thoughts on relationships.

There are no perfect relationships, simply follow your heart and as Mom always said "take your eyes off of other people." Even this weekend my son had his first opportunity to contribute to the family trip. It is training time. I have to teach him that one day he will have a wife and there are certain things he should take care of. I am sure people will say this... that and the other if they see me training them. However, it is not their wives duty to train them to be men. It is our responsibility to train them now before they get in serious relationships. I don't need my sons to do certain things, but I know their wives will need them to be men at certain times in their lives. Therefore, I see it as our responsibility to teach them to take care of their families. I also teach them to mind their business, so that one day they will have business of their own.

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