Thank you to my haters!.... It's really not about me or you!

It's so funny I had to really say thank God for people who get under my skin. I have found that my writing is fueled by my emotions. After a successful start in a new venture, I heard there were moans and groans. I had to laugh because when you have paid for everything and tried to help people get a start and they come at you with complaints you can truly blow a fuse and say words you really don't mean. I had an idea and my husband helped see it to fruition. I love children so I would do anything to give them my all.

Without saying too much "the indecisive and self centered had to criticize "well why didn't you do this and why didn't you do that?" I told my husband this is why I don't bother, I would much rather make a donation and keep it moving than waste my energy on people who have chosen to be where they are and murmur and complain. I know it's important to do it for the greater good but God also said "don't cast your pearls before swine." So for me that means don't waste your time on ungrateful, complaining folks.

However, my husband being the good man that he is said they don't matter. What matters is you fed people that were hungry and he described someone who was really down on their luck and how by saying "please let everyone eat and allow them to donate to the children if they can"  you fed someone that day. He said "God used you to bring forth his idea that would bless someone." I was really upset at this point and said "wow, we can really let our haters get us off course sometime. There was definitely a lesson in what was going on last night.

I was upset because I was like "you have been thinking about it, but did nothing but come in to church with excuses about why you did not contribute," but then you come at us for making it happen. It may not have been perfect but it was a start. A start that isn't about you or me. A start that is about the future generations having good activities, scholarships and memories of church. A chance for the youth to know God is a giving God and he's not there just to collect your tithes and offering but that He is a Giving God who wants relationships. For me it's not about money or catering to your egos. It truly is about the children and the future generations because we have had our time to do what we were to do. It's time we learn to bless our children's children and prepare for their enormous future.

WAR ROOM An Excellent film and gentle reminder!

I must say this film absolutely brought me to tears. I was truly asking God what do we do? I was definitely at this place in my life. I needed a gentle reminder that my husband and I are not each others enemy and that we are at war not with flesh and blood. This film helped me put so many things in perspective. I am at that point in life where the children are almost grown and I have to deal with all that was shoved under the rug like my student loans and my career and academic goals.

Therefore, everything was irritating me and my husband as much as we love each other was really getting under my skin. Sometimes you have to reevaluate and decide if you are going to be bitter or better and I choose better. I am not saying things are perfect but God knows it has been much better since seeing this film. It reminded me of how I felt when I saw Fireproof but with so much more teaching about prayer and as much as I found myself in prayer over the years, I found myself truly feeling like a warrior these past few weeks.

So I must say I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing the movie War Room. It is a film I can take my entire family to see and feel good about it. There are not many films today that you can watch and know your family is going to be that much better after seeing it but this is truly the film of the year! Thank God for our church for sharing this film on a night only my husband attended because we were in need of this film.

I'm yet still holding on....holding on to my faith...I will be debt free...and start anew

"I'm yet still holding on" ... I really feel like that quote today. I have been wrestling with the student loan servicer who has apparently misled me. I have completed the process to get my loans out of default and they even congratulated me. Yet, I am now learning that when they advised me that I was paying on all my loans it was untrue. After losing thousands of dollars that were never applied to my loans through garnishments, I took the punches because I was too depressed about my mom dying to fight. I figured all things would work together for my good. I can remember struggling for a month to get to work right after Mom died only to be advised over $2,800.00 had been garnished, yes my entire paycheck because I was a federal contractor and they did not have to follow the 25% rule the rest of the world was afforded. I was a federal contractor and therefore they could take 100% of my check.

So now I have kept my end of the bargain and paid monthly to learn that the Perkins loan can not become a part of my payment agreement with my stafford loans unless I sign away my rights via a consolidation program which states I can never have loan forgiveness and or other opportunities if I choose to teach etc. The agency attempted to gain my user name and password and then proceeded to tell me aww you don't need to read that it's the same disclosures you read when you did the rehabilitation. Thank God for my Mother who instilled in us that we should read everything. Some of these loan agencies are so ruthless and devoid of truth. I am appalled that they get away with so much.

I don't know my next step outside of hiring an attorney but I will not sign my rights away to pursue the same opportunities afforded to everyone else in this nation because I chose to feed my children in lieu of paying my student loans at one point. The agencies refused to come to a reasonable agreement until 2013. Therefore, I will find a solution that will allow me to pay back this $4,500.00 and $1,950.00 dollar loan deal I made with "the Devil" obviously. I have learned my lesson about student loans and I only hope others will learn from my mistakes. I am not saying ....don't take them out if you have to but know that they can be used to keep you out of school if you don't have the resources to pay them off upon graduation. It appears the subsidized stafford loan and unsubsidized stafford loans are willing to work with you but the perkins loan is a "university loan" so they don't follow the same rules. The Perkins loan has been the beast that holds my transcript. So what do you do when you have done everything they have asked. You stand, you pray and you do whatever it takes within reason and you expect results.

Giving God the Absolute Glory!

                      Last night was an absolute answer to my prayers. I went to Wednesday Service and I must say the Minister of Music Minister Bethea truly taught the word of God and most importantly the love of God. I could not have felt more relieved, when he began to deal with the root of the problem and how the spirit of rejection is a spirit and how we should be sensitive to those who are hurting so that they can get healed. As the people began to share their stories and their pain I was wowed! I was right there with them, just as broken and flawed. This is what church is about, loving people enough to help them heal. I really felt like you get it. It is about a war with Satan and his principalities. It is not about us fighting with one another in the flesh.

                   When we get to the place where the enemy knows he is revealed that is when we can get free and truly get the work God has predestined us to do. I walked out feeling truly inspired. I must say that although in the flesh I have been fighting with Augusta State University about releasing the last of my student loans to the loan servicing agency I have been paying for the last year. Even that thorn in my side could not take my joy. I don't normally let things linger this long but I have never truly gotten over the aggravation that place caused my life. It was the worst wrong turn I think I ever took. If I could turn back the hand of time I would have remained at Seton Hall University where they wanted us to succeed as opposed to such a University that has done everything to ensure bondage. I will be breaking free from this debt. This place has given it's students a million hoops to jump through. The only University I know that does not follow the rules and allow you 6 months to repay your loan after graduating and denies forbearances. Please keep me in prayer!

                 However, back to my testimony. I am just super excited about the teaching we received on Wednesday night and the deliverance and prayer that took place in the house of God. I could not have been more overjoyed to know that the work of God is taking place. Church is not just about looking good, it is truly about being good and helping hurt people get healed!

Pray for my strength in the Lord!

As I find myself in a place where I believe God would have me to be I am struggling again. I only ask that you pray my strength in the Lord. As usual each time I write an article my faith is challenged. I find myself in a position of questioning why it is so important to dwell on people being able to put up with the foolishness in the church. I have a standard in which I expect the church to know better and be better. As our Pastor preached I squirmed because yes I feel it is better to walk away from people who waste so much time dwelling on foolishness. Just as God was dealing with my heart a deacon got up and said "Yes we are gonna talk about you and I felt like, wow did you just contradict everything the Pastor has said this morning about being better since you know better. Everything he just said about making people feel comfortable and loved in the church. Did you hear anything he said about us being an example and a light?

Maybe I am not receptive because I grew up with people who loved on you in the church. I grew up so filled with activity we did not have time to be in everybody else's business. We just found time to love on them. We spent our weeks planning how we could enjoy this life God blessed us with by participating in pottery classes and taking ice skating trips and having pageants and field trips. Maybe I don't feel at peace with back biting and negativity "being the norm" because for me it was not normal. I was a very sheltered child and I only remember the congregation focusing on the positive. Maybe I am looking for that loving church I grew up in. I just know something about today's service just did not sit well with my soul. I felt a contradiction was taking place and I struggled to receive it peacefully. I just felt like can we move on and let the holy spirit move within us. I just ask that you continue to pray my strength in the Lord and help me overlook people and any foolishness that is not of the Father. More of you God and please less of me as I overcome this struggle by the blood of the lamb.

Beautiful week filled with God's love

                              Last week was one of illness, I was not on my prayer post. The virus hit my daughter then my husband and then me. I had to get on my knees and tell sickness it has no place in my house. I know better, we can not afford to be caught off guard. However, the following week was a week of recovery I began the week off with breakfast with my Sister in Christ in which I was blessed to fellowship and share my desires and receive some confirmation to my concerns about moving forward in the next phase of my life. I am always compelled to be certain that my moves take nothing away from my family. However, I also understand that sometimes we have to do for ourselves in order to do for our family. I appreciate the vessel of God that she was willing to be.

                            My week went on and as I entered the house of God I was struggling with my stubborn side but as I heard Minister Bethea preach I knew the word was for me. I had just been asked why I write in certain genres and I reflected and I had referred back to my first writing opportunity interview and about if we were truly more like Jesus....what could we truly do for the kingdom. I have been praying more of you God and less of me and show me me. I loved her teaching because she taught in such a way that it was not condemning but just as the Bible suggests that we should be. We should teach the younger generation in love. So as I heard Minister Bethea make reference to how she too had experienced that which she faced it took away my guard and made me open to receive her message. I have been to many churches in which there were people who were bourgeoisie and some had a right to be, while others did not. There is nothing I lose interest in more than people who feel their drug addiction or alcohol condition and ability to overcome makes them better than the man struggling with his "heart condition." I believe a sin is a sin and a struggle is a struggle and if Jesus acted like some of us....."Lord, where would we be?"

                           I say this to say the week was a blessing because I did not encounter that foolishness this week. I actually encountered people who were sincere in their love of Christ and for all of his people and for that I am eternally grateful because I have had a low toleration for haughtiness since I know we are all flawed to some degree. My struggle maybe my grief and yours maybe your addiction but the Almighty Father LOVES us unconditionally and will continue to nurture us and love us on this journey because we serve an unconditional God. So when the Prodigal shows up we should all have open arms like Jesus!  He really does not want any of us to be lost. Luke 15:11-32

RoboCop is on the way...listen for that small still voice

The lack of human compassion is on the rise.
Yet that should be of no surprise.
Many prophecies are being fulfilled.
Murderers are hired to kill.
Trained liars it's no surprise they were taught to articulate the demise.
The demise of humans and especially black lives.

Black lives matter to those who have a human side.
We live in a world of unfair laws and the loopholes are far too wide.
Color doesn't matter they are achieving a goal.
The presence of a one world currency and robots for cops I am told.
A system set forth on the principals of control.

So if my silence concerns you don't be so abrupt.
Realize I am in a quiet place until my time is up.
There is so much work to do I am not just spinning my wheels.
I am listening to my heavenly Father because he knows the true deal.