Surrounding yourself with those who want to see you at your best....watch for the little things......

For the last few years I have made major changes by moving to a city that I believed would open doors and give my children peace and opportunity. I am happy to say my 19 year old has been blessed as a supervisor and my 16 year old has had great success in his current position. I have made every effort to surround myself with people who have my best interest at heart. I have learned that you just have to cut off things and people who do not mean you well. Sometimes you carry dead weight and pray for people but ultimately God will bring laborers across their path.

I have learned that there are some people in this world who will always want to catch you at your worst and those who will do everything to elevate you to your best. Why waist precious time surrounding yourself with people who do not mean you any good?

Therefore, my suggestion is when you find parasites in your world even through say in laws or as some say "haters" eliminate the threat and surround yourself with people who desire to bring out the best in you. For ultimately that is what friends are for.....My ultimate goal is to bring out the best in those around me because I absolutely know it starts at home. I truly believe in Karma...or as Mom always said "Do good and you do it to yourself."

Trayvon Martins' life matters....."White women are mean, Mommy" ...that's not what I want him to believe....

As I sit here thinking about the events and how they have unfolded I can only feel heart break. As a Mom and former Court Reporter who has lived through the performances of the court systems "Great court room acting" in the south. I can only say how sorry I am to Mr. and Ms. Martin because we all bare some responsibility and no one can give them comfort but the Almighty King.

As a mother of 4 African American males and the wife of an African American male who is a former Police Officer, who wasn't willing to go with the status quo I know the hurt all too well. Though I can only pray that God will allow my children to outlive me my heart aches everyday in this country. As I think of how much I have cheated my children of by raising them in the south among a hatred that never died.

One incident in particular comes to mind...as my son was in elementary school he said  "Mommy, white women are mean." This is after having all white female Teachers who just yelled at him year after year. I finally withdrew him and began to homeschool him, because I thought about my wonderful white female Algebra Teacher who genuinely loved me. I thought about my Vice Principal who did everything she could to see to it that I had the best high school experience possible. Or even the white woman who is my sons Godmother and was also wonderful to my husband. They did not deserve this stereotype but the difference was the love in their heart, they did not grow up being contaminated by the hatred of people like the Zimmermans. You have to evaluate the heart of a man. Yet, once again I find myself having to explain why six white women would have the heart to state his life is meaningless.

I remembered when I handled the induction interview for the great Golfer William Zimmerman in 1996 and as I spoke with his wife on the golf course about becoming an attorney. She uttered "It's nice that you people think that way." I too made the mistake I hear Steve Harvey making saying "she really doesn't know any better...because all she knows is having tea etc...." Yet Mrs. Zimmerman knew exactly what she was doing "She was sowing a seed of doubt." Just as these jurors knew exactly what they were doing. They were carrying out what they have always been taught they must carry out.

Please don't make excuses for their hatred, instead use it as an opportunity to open up dialogue. Too many of us sit around pretending that the elephant is not in the room. We pretend to feel comfortable to be accepted by our counterparts. We let too much go when we see young African American men being harassed by the police or others unfairly. It is in us turning a blind eye to the little things that has allowed us to get to a point where this child was able to be murdered for carrying a bag of skittles home for his cousin and an iced tea home. In a world where my son has friends of all races, it is rare now that he encounters the hatred you find in places like Sanford, Florida. It's just a fact that these pocket cities in the south where hatred is still brewing for the blood of our sons truly exist. I felt like I had walked into the twilight zone when I realized "I had moved to Evans, Ga a place screaming about white flight." "Just know that they are no longer wearing their white hoods."

Prenuptial Agreements are not a concern for the Woman of God

There has been a lot of question around "would you be willing to sign a prenuptial." I say absolutely, if you are marrying for love and you indeed know your source which is God..... not your man..... you will have no problem with it. Knowing what I know today, I would not marry someone If I did not trust in them. If I marry someone, I know that he must have my best interest at heart. If he has your best interest at heart, he is going to see to it that he will make all moves to see to it that your dreams are a reality. As a man of God he is a provider and you will be taken care of, just as you would see to it that he is taken care of as a woman of God. Therefore, if he is in a position of power and a true man of God it is inevitable that he will see to it that you are successful too.

You are not going into the marriage to take what he has already gained, you are going into the relationship as a team and whatever you build moving forward will belong to both of you. I just don't believe that a prenuptial is a big deal. A good example of a modern day man of God is Vincent and Tamar. Vincent is doing what he does best behind the scenes and allowing his wife to shine. I think they have the perfect example of true love, manifesting with the mind of Christ. If you marry the right man of God a prenuptial should not be a concern.

Identity Theft...A message to the thief

I've lived my life living below my means.
To ensure we would always be able to meet our children's needs.

There's always someone out there lurking for the next opportunity.
Don't try to use my likeness or my identity.

We have raised 5 children without stealing anything.
Don't become a threat to my peace, or expect me to accept the chaos you bring.

Slowly dying in the South...ready for God's best

A Jersey girl born with so many dreams....losing sight of who she was meant to be.

Leaving the bright lights and the trains behind. She lived a life that many considered divine. 

She knew that her gift from God was indeed her family, but she also knew that there was indeed a fine line to living the life God intended....... you see.

So in all her sacrificing and doing what was right, she realized how much she had truly lost sight, lost sight of her vision and her dreams. 

Why can't we have it all, why must there always be a loser it seems?

All she ever wanted was to see everyone win, all she ever wanted was to continue to stay far from sin. 

All she ever loved she had so close to her heart. Yet apart of her was dying slowly, it was all tearing her apart.

Something inside her wanted so much more out of life but there was a voice always reminding her to settle for less. It was time she figured out what was truly God's best.

My Dearest Friends...it was in my saddest moments....

I didn't want to bring you sorrow or any pain.

My heart was filled with grief that's why I refrained....

I've remained away from everyone for fear my sadness would remain.

I never wanted anyone to feel what I have felt.

I never wanted anyone to be dealt the hand that I was dealt.

Losing someone you love is truly the hardest thing I ever felt.

Where are those dear friends today? I'm really not sure I know.

I left them all I separated when I hit my all time low.

I truly did not want this side of me to show.

As I pick up the pieces to my life and try to move on.

Pray for me, remember me, never forget our bond.

Remember the laughs we had, and all the fun we had.....and know that the old me is gone!

It's a new me trying to be released.

My new life filled with so much love, will show you how much I've truly increased.......

It's now time because my pain has finally ceased.

Copyright © 2013 Denise Loundes-Russell

Simply Excited about the New Year! Took a road into historical concerns

     2012 brought many challenges. It was the year I buried my grief and learned not to associate the holidays with the loss of my Mother, I finally have peace. It was the year I grasped hold of my independence by taking a job in the flight industry. I decided that although we drove everywhere because my husband was taught that was the way to save with a big family. I decided I wanted to change that experience for my family. I took it for granted that I flew every summer and it was past time my children did the same. My son made a friend who was on his flight to visit his father. The young chap called my 16 year old son a rookie, he was 11 years old calling my son the rookie. It was a cute story but it expanded my sons experiences.

     I spent the year working at places I thought would be fun for my children to work. Exploring the benefits as well as the pay. After reading Harry Belafonte's books and a myriad of other great men of history such as Paul Robeson to my sons through my home school endeavors, I wanted to understand their frustrations toward the service industry. I saw first hand how slavery truly does still exist in America. How we sugar coat it by calling them contractors or temp agencies. How people are treated like third world workers right here in America. The first thing I did was ask my sister to bake them macaroni and cheese and my daughter to bake them cupcakes.

    I just felt so guilty that we take so much for granted when we are in Corporate America enjoying our weekly pot lucks or company sponsored meals. It was just sad to see how service workers are treated and not even compensated for what they are truly worth by some of the biggest names in the industry. They hide behind the name subsidiary or contractor.

    Harry Belafonte is so right when he said there is still so much work to be done. However, I also explored why 90% of the population flying is non minority. I wondered do we not want to fly or is it financial? The best kept secret was most people don't know that if you work for the industry you fly free, so do your children and your parents. Foreign minorities seem to be the exception that is up on the scoop but your average american born minority seems to be out of the loop.

     My goal is to educate in this blog but to also ask you to help a service worker by being mindful that being nasty and leaving your garbage in a seat back only costs the airline industry more money, but also keeps a service worker away from their family that much longer. I saw 60 to 80 year old women working 12- 16 hour days to keep the airline clean for you or handling your baggage. Be clean and help our service workers in anyway that you can. I have since resigned from the service industry because I am not built for it per my husband and I believe you can only be abused if you allow it. Some people don't have a choice, they don't have a degree and feel stuck because it's the only way they can visit their families. So please keep that in mind, when you decide to not take a minute of your time to be clean in travel or on the ground. Be blessed in 2013 and take care of others as you would yourselves! I enjoyed the opportunity because it was temporary and gave me free flights and something new to write about....:-) I recommend you look into who is hiring you in the industry to have a better experience than I did. Get on directly with the airline not the subsidiaries or contractors if you can.